I bet my aunt called in the hit

From a Hungarian mail server whose security is presumably not all it might be:

Date: Sun, 3 Feb 2008 17:41:17 +0100 (CET)
Subject: BE MORE CAREFUL
From: "BE MORE CAREFUL" <restinpeac@yahoo.com>
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

I am very sorry for you, is a pity that this is how your life is going to
end as soon as you don't comply. As you can see there is no need of
introducing myself to you because I don't have any business with you, my
duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL you and I have to do it as I
have already been paid for that.

Someone you call a friend wants you Dead by all means, and the person have
spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told me that
he want you dead and he provided us with your name ,picture and other
necessary information's we needed about you. So I sent my boys to track
you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for
the operation on you, and they have done that but I told them not to kill
you that I will like to contact you and see if your life is Important to
you or not since their findings shows that you are innocent.

I called my client back and ask him of you email address which I didn't
tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I am using
it to contact you now. As I am writing to you now my men are monitoring
you and they are telling me everything about you.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? As someone has paid us to kill you. Get
back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your life,
$30,000 is all you need to spend You will first of all pay $15,000 then I
will send the tape to you and when the tape get to you, you will pay the
remaining $15,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will carry on
with my job straight-up.

WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELL ANYONE BECAUSE
I WILL KNOW.REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I
WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, INCASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.

DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND GIVE
YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD THEN YOU
CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION. GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR REPLY TO
THIS E-MAIL CONTACT

Name:william Agent
E-mail: william1111@live.com

These messages have been around for a while, but I don't think I've ever received one before. Plenty of ordinary Nigerian scams, but not the death-threat type.

Quick advice for those receiving mysterious messages promising wealth or making menaces: Search for a string out of the message, to see if lots of other people have received the exact same thing.

Are those people all now rich, or dead, or whatever else the message promises?

(Hint: They won't be.)

You may forego the above steps if you yourself have received 28 copies of whatever the message is, all nominally from completely different people but all strangely similar otherwise.

12 Responses to “I bet my aunt called in the hit”

  1. tantryl Says:

    I ams keel joo if u dusn't say ma EcoWatts mayks teh supelectricities.

  2. pompomtom Says:

    I bet you it's the homeopaths.

    You've probably already been killed, but only a really really tiny bit.

  3. FLea Says:

    Gimme a break - a few obvious fallacies (aside from a contractor actually contacting the target in the first place) - just from normal e-etiquette, all caps is not appropriate in this type of communication. While the sentiment is valid, the propriety of this form of expression in a formal note is not. Don't get me started on the "professional" who will decide to freelance in connection with a contract. Please.. professionalism does have *some* standards.

    Note: I am not a contractor, nor have I ever hired one (or looked to hire one).. but in a few moments of weakness I have contemplated such (in a passing/joking way - I couldn't afford one anyway - or at least one that meets the standards I would require....) and would be appalled at this individual's indiscretions to the point that if I was in the industry... silencing this person might not be a bad idea..... and would probably be seen as a sanctioned (after the fact) hit.

  4. Alan Says:

    I was watching a show on the ABC, where they mentioned the punishment for a servant convicted of theft: being publicly flogged from "pillar to post", then being on bread and water for 3 months... and then being flogged again.

    Usually, I'm glad I don't live in those times.

    But sometimes, like when I get flooded by spam, I get to thinking they had the right idea.

  5. JsD Says:

    Nice knowin' you, man.
    ;D

  6. lummox Says:

    It's a pity, I've enjoyed your writing :-/
    Well, life goes on (except for you).
    Can I have your robot insects when you're gone?

  7. Steven Den Beste Says:

    I think that "To: undisclosed recipients" is the nicest touch. If there's a single target, who is being given a chance to buy their way out, wouldn't you think the letter would be personalized, and addressed to that one particular person?

  8. Chazzozz Says:

    I know what'll save you!! Dismantle your EMPower Modulator and harvest the Harmonic Products pedants. Just wear them all of the time (on a suitably 'tuned' necklace chain) and their meta-psychic non-Hertzian frequencies will repel all evil. All you have to do is BELIEVE...

  9. DBT Says:

    Perhaps you could reply with something sage ... along the lines of "To you, I am already dead. Please do not contact [my estate] again."

    (Kudos to Danny Kamekona (and/or Robert Kamen) for that one, but I don't think plagarism laws are officially recognised in this ... marketing industry).

  10. cray- Says:

    dibs on the 30"

  11. Daniel Rutter Says:

    Just now, a new edition (two copies sent, so I KNOW he's serious!):

    From: "bryan roggers smith" <bryan.roggers@gmail.com>
    Date: Fri, 27 Jun 2008 07:47:12 -0700
    To: [blank]
    Subject: GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY!!!

    *This is the only way I could contact you for now,I want you to be very
    careful about this and keep this secret with you until I make out space for
    us to see. You have no need of knowing who I am or where I am from.I know
    this may sound very surprising to you but it's the situation.i have been
    paid some ransom in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me
    by my employer.It's someone I believe you call a friend, I have followed you
    closely for a while now and have seen that you are innocent of the
    accusations he leveled against you. Do not contact the police or try to send
    a copy of this to them,because if you do, I will know,and might be pushed to
    do what I have been paid to this is the 1st time I turn out to be a betrayer
    in my job. I took pity on you,that is why I have made up my mind to help you
    if you are willing to help yourself.Now listen,I will arrange for us to
    see,but before that, I need $3000. I will come to your home or you determine
    where you wish we meet;I repeat, do not arrange for the cops and if you play
    hard to get, it will be extended to your family.Do not set any camera to
    cover us or set up any tape to record our conversation, my employer is in my
    control now.
    Payment details will be provided for you to make a part payment of $1500
    first,which will serve as guarantee that you are ready to co-operate,then
    one of my boys will deliver a copy of the video tape to you that contains
    his request for me to terminate you(I tape recorded our conversation),which
    will be enough evidence for you to take any legal action against him.i
    advice you be fast about this before he employs another person for the job.
    You will pay the balance of $1500 once you receive the tape.
    Warning; do not contact the police, make sure you stay indoors once it is
    7.30pm until this whole thing is sorted out,if you neglect any of these
    warnings, you will have yourself to blame.
    You do not have much time,so get back to me immediately Note:I
    will advise you keep this to yourself alone, not even a friend or a family
    member should know about it because it could be one of them.
    contact me for now via this same email address.
    Good Luck.
    *


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