This blows my mind every time

An outfit called "Balance Health Products" has recalled its slimming "dietary supplement", on account of how the "Starcaps" supplement turned out to "contain an undeclared drug ingredient - Bumetanide - ­ a diuretic available by prescription only."

Once again, I stand awestruck by what I now choose to call the Dietary Supplement Contamination Phenomenon.

The DSCP, for reasons nobody in the world will ever figure out, causes all dietary supplements that've been "contaminated" with a drug to be contaminated with a drug that does what the supplement is meant to do.

Well, after a fashion, anyway. "Black Pearl" arthritis pills that're "contaminated" with steroidal anti-inflammatories work really well - they're just rather dangerous. The same applies to "herbal" diet pills that've mysteriously acquired a stimulant contamination.

But the "Starcap" pills have only got a diuretic in them. So they'll give you an easily measurable weight loss when you start taking them, on account of causing you to pee out a larger-than-normal proportion of your body's water weight. But they'll make no difference at all in the long run. And, in the meantime, you may be somewhat dehydrated.

Still and all, though, this does qualify as another "supplement" that's mysteriously acquired a contamination of a drug that does what the supplement is meant to do.

It's amazing - slimming pills never get contaminated with Viagra, arthritis pills never get contaminated with digitalis.

It's a mystery for the ages.

13 Responses to “This blows my mind every time”

  1. derrill Says:

    A wizard did it.

  2. OgreMustCrush Says:

    Drat those dastardly wizards. Next they're going to take that organic meat free psudomeat that the vegetarians like and replace it with actual meat, just for the lulz. Actually, that sounds quite funny. Although what they should do is contaminate my bank account with more money, or contaminate my computer with a brand new expensive video card.

  3. TwoHedWlf Says:

    My bank account has been contaminated with dollars, I must eliminate every last trace of it as soon as possible.

  4. Buckermann Says:

    Probably a government conspiracy to discredit alternative super-medicine.
    Or aliens. Wizard aliens.

  5. j Says:

    I think I know what happens; they all use the same pill composition manufacturing software. There's a bug, where if you keep clicking "next" without making any changes, the pills are "contaminated" with actual active ingredients.

    In other words: A wizard did it.

  6. kamikrae-z Says:

    Clearly, THIS was due to the side effects of taking contaminated alternative medicine pills. Getafix would be proud....

  7. Chazzozz Says:

    Oh boy, this post is attracting the most amusing banner ads I've seen in a long time...

  8. DBT Says:

    "Caution: May contain traces of pharmaceuticals"

    There ... that should cover it.

  9. Chazzozz Says:

    It’s amazing - slimming pills never get contaminated with Viagra, arthritis pills never get contaminated with digitalis.

    Why don't memory pills ever get contaminated with...uhhh...what's that stuff called again?

  10. ratkins Says:

    You wouldn't want Viagra in your diet pills though, they're meant to *stop* you getting a fat!

  11. will Says:

    Ah... herbal extracts. Another indication of the impending apocalypse. People will pay $23USD for 120 odor free garlic tablets. For that kind of money I could go down to Flemington and buy a bag of garlic four to five times larger than my head. It may not be odor free but it is certainly delicious. Shit, for $5AUD I can go to dirty Abduls on Cleveland st and get a felafel roll with enpugh garlic sauce to repel all vampires and possible suitors for quite some time.

    I love a herbal remedy, I've got a split aloe vera leaf bandaged to a burn right now. It's a kick to grow something yourself and figure out it does the job better than a $10 tube of burn cream. The point is you don't go a buy a $20 tube of organic cleansing aloe vera stimulant aquifer goo because it has pretty pictures of flowers on the front and makes you feel as if you're not poisoning yourself with some shit a bunch of bean counters decided to market you.

  12. dr_w00t Says:

    Next, slimming herbal cigarettes.

    Warning: May contain traces of Crystal Meth.

  13. Mr. Peepers Says:

    I've had to sit downwind of my father after he had taken those "odorless" garlic tablets.

    Maybe the tablets are odorless, but after eating them, my father wasn't. I had to keep shifting forward, back, left and right to avoid gagging in the middle of a church service.

    My father loves "alternative" medicine, and it irks, and sometimes nauseates me.

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