Psychoceramic literature

There was me thinking that vanity-published books-by-loonies didn't come any better than the inimitable Latawnya, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say "No" to Drugs. (The same author, with her husband, has also written Spicy True Stories, Investigators Lies, Slanders And Stocks. This latter volume is a chronicle of paranoid-delusion which I contend is indeed made more "spicy" by the author's decision to spell the word "stalk" as "stock", throughout the work.)

All that is in the past, though, for I have just this moment - which is to say, a couple of months after a million other people - discovered the landmark work Birth Control Is- I'm sorry, BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!, by Ms Eliyza- oh, darn it, I made that same mistake again, I meant to say by MS ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON.

MS ELIYZABETH would just be another unhinged religious ranter were it not for two decisions on her part.

The first is that she appears to have decided upon a list price for her book of one hundred and fifty US dollars. (Currently on special for only $135!)

The other, a true stroke of genius, is that BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL ET CETERA appears to be ENTIRELY IN UPPER CASE. Amazon have a "Look Inside" for the work, which only gives you the usual few pages, but reveals a distinct lack of lower-case anywhere other than the "and also" on the cover, and the text of the copyright page.

Amazon reviewers have rewarded MS ELIYZABETH with the adulation she deserves.

11 Responses to “Psychoceramic literature”

  1. Hans Says:


  2. Stuart Says:

    Apart from the obvious reduction in sanity from reading such a tome, is there really anything left to get from the book after you've read the title? I'm thinking it better have some wicked colour plates for that amount of coin.

    Also, could your commenting system be any more retarded?

  3. jidd Says:

    Don't miss "What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing This Item?"
    18% buy Pinocchio
    17% buy Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - Now With Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!

    ...and I agree with Stuart. Why does it offer me a captcha-protected commenting field if I'm not logged in, but still refuse to accept comments unless logged in?

  4. Will Says:

    I find it hilarious that I'm getting scientology ads on this article.

    I'm debating whether clicking (just to transfer some of their money to your account) is worth the risk that Google's Ad serving systems might include 'scientology freak' in their tracking data.

  5. magetoo Says:

    At least it sort-of-works once you have registered. More annoying (to me, at least) is the "smart" quotes thing; it is pretty ubiquitous on blogs nowadays and has the retarded habit interesting side effect of turning all apostrophes into HTML entity #8217, or "right single quotation mark".

    Try searching the page text for things like "didn't" or "I'm", and you'll see why that is a really bad idea...

  6. magetoo Says:

    Oh, I notice just now it doesn't mangle characters in comments. Could be worse, then.

  7. corinoco Says:

    One of the comments on the Amazon listing contained the following description:

    "a face that would scare a dog out of a butcher's shop"

    Cue snorting beer out my nose. That is one of the best expresions in the English language I have ever heard.

    Bloody brilliant; that's going straight to the pool-room of my mind.

    I just noticed - the stats of who bought what after buying that book are difficult to explain.

  8. Kagato Says:

    Getting the scientology ads here too.
    (Just in case Dan isn't, here's a screengrab: )

    I'm trying to figure out what part of the article text is triggering the ads -- "books-by-loonies"? "paranoid-delusion"? "unhinged religious ranter"?

    "one hundred and fifty US dollars"?

  9. Chazzozz Says:

    I'm having fun looking through the 'Customers who viewed this item also viewed' section on the reviews page. Number 3 is Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz. Go figure...

  10. Chazzozz Says:

    Ack - double post!

    Further, the top three items in the 'Customers Who Bought Related Items Also Bought' section on the original book's page are (in descending order) I Can Has Cheezburger?: A LOLcat Colleckshun, Forbidden LEGO: Build the Models Your Parents Warned You Against!, Futurama - Bender's Big Score...which begs the question whether the author is hitting her target market or whether most purchasers are sane, thinking people who are more interested in taking the piss out of her.

  11. iworm Says:

    Following on the "Customers who bought related items also bought" theme, currently showing for me, in sixth position:

    "Balls of Fury"

    Spot on.

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