Welcome back to Year 1 of the thrilling Firepower hearing

I'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath to see what's happened since my last Firepower update.

Well, for one thing, Gerard Ryles' unassumingly-titled book about Firepower is now searchable on Google Books.

And Tim Johnston, the elusive boss of Firepower, has apparently been blessed with a complete remission of his travel-preventing illness. (Apparently, if you get arrested, it clears right up!)

Tim has duly been frogmarched into a hearing in Perth, to answer a few questions.

According to Tim, he's pulling down ten thousand UK pounds a month for "consultancy" work for Green Power Corporation, the London-based reincarnation of Firepower that will repay all of the investors and actually have products that work and give every child in the world an adorable puppy and so on.

(You may recall Green Power Corporation, and its unimpeachable principal Frank Timis, from last year. You may also recall The Australian's description of Timis as "a colourful Romanian-Australian businessman". Everybody involved with Firepower is so darn colourful it's like some kind of Pride Parade.)

Tim Johnston also alleges that he has been assaulted, and his daughter intimidated (by "cars driving around her house"), since he started giving evidence to the hearing. According to Tim, the people menacing him now are associated with his former business partner, one Warren Anderson.

Anderson has previously denied making any threats, and I presume will also deny sending the boys round (and round, and round). According to Johnston, Anderson demanded many millions of dollars of Firepower money with menaces; according to Anderson, that money was just payment for shares in Firepower, which Tim was buying from Warren, or something. (According to the ancient fuel-pill-company template, the shares probably weren't legal to sell in the first place, but were nonetheless hungrily snapped up by numerous people who now find themselves without a nest-egg.)

Oh, and Tim says that the fact that Warren pitched in to help Tim buy an 8.5-million-dollar house one day after Tim gave Warren four million dollars is not fishy in any way.

Hmm, what else... Oh yeah: "Firepower spent millions on travel, hotels and sponsorship". Astonishingly, the recipients of the free air tickets included Tim's kids.

And Tim also, in a completely straightforward and non-fishy way, handed an extra two million dollars and a hatful of soon-to-be-worthless shares, on top of a settlement payment, to the former chief executive officer of one of the numerous Firepower entities after some sort of court dispute.

After revealing this, Tim suddenly found himself struck by that most terrible of afflictions, Courtroom-Related Amnesia Syndrome, regarding exactly how the various Firepower business entities interacted. The syndrome is following its usual course; the larger the amount of money involved, the more difficult the sufferer finds it to remember where it went.

According to Tim, Firepower also appeared to have a less-than-thorough data backup policy. A server containing vital information was in someone's house, and then may have been pawned, perhaps, but Tim's not sure, his Courtroom-Related Amnesia Syndrome's playing up again...

We can only pray that Tim's illness does not develop into full-blown Ashcroft-Gonzales' Disease.

6 Responses to “Welcome back to Year 1 of the thrilling Firepower hearing”

  1. opus7600 Says:

    Ugh, it's so hard to follow who did what when it all happens in real time. Wake me when they make it into a miniseries I can torrent.

  2. rod Says:

    ...may have been sold to a may have been pawned...

    Missed a couple of words in the second last sentence, I think.

    [Fixed now. Thanks! -Dan]

    I wonder how many new suckers are going to be taken in by Green Power Corporation?

    Also, Western Australians are particularly susceptible to Ashcroft-Gonzales disease: Alan Bond, Carmen Lawrence, Brian Burke etc (see here)

  3. AndyD Says:

    Forget Firepower... Did you see this week's Today Tonight (in Perth anyway)?

    Now it's the Power Balance Bracelet!!!

    "According to Tom our lifestyle means bodies are running below their optimum electrical frequency. Mylar technology supposedly restores it to somewhere near the 7.83 hertz required. "This will make you the best you can be. It won't turn you into Tiger Woods, let's put it that way but it will make you the best you can be," says Tom."

    Any bets that "frequency" can't be measured with any device known to science? But I wonder if I can buy shares in the venture?

  4. Erik T Says:

    Does that make the Power Balance Bracelet a laxative? I hope it doesn't get me too near 7.83hz, lest I be unable to travel more than a few meters from the bathroom.

  5. Popup Says:

    Any bets that "frequency" can't be measured with any device known to science? But I wonder if I can buy shares in the venture?

    Actually, AndyD, you probably can measure that frequency! 7.83Hz corresponds to the Schuman resonance Frequency, which corresponds to a standing wave within the ionosphere, induced by lightning strikes worldwide.

    Mylar on the other hand, is just a tradename for 'Biaxially-oriented polyethylene terephthalate', i.e. stretched PET plastic, often metallized and used for e.g. insulation.

  6. phrantic Says:

    I'm not sure I _want_ something that will turn me into Tiger Woods. Not right now, anyway.

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