Self-adhesive super-science!

A round of applause, gentle readers, for Stephen Fenech, "Technology Writer" for the Daily Telegraph here in Australia, for his unflinchingly courageous presentation of the "Q-Link Mini".

The Mini is a tiny self-adhesive object which, Mr Fenech assures us, is "powerful enough to shield us from the potentially harmful electromagnetic radiation generated by mobile phones and other electronic devices". (Q-Link themselves delightfully refer to the Mini as a "Wellness Button".)

Not for Mr Fenech the mealy-mouthed objections of hide-bound so-called "scientists", who've observed that there's no good reason to suppose that low-level exposure to non-ionising electromagnetic radiation has any deleterious effects, and that there's also no good reason to suppose that there is even a theoretical basis for low-energy EMR to harm us, and that if you block the radiation coming out of a mobile phone, the phone won't work any more.

Mr Fenech is similarly wisely unconcerned that Q-Link's most famous product, the "SRT-2 Pendant", contains a copper coil that isn't connected to anything, and a surface-mount zero-ohm resistor, which is also not connected to anything.

I'm sure Mr Fenech disregards doubts raised by this discovery because, of course, Q-Link's products are unconstrained by the foolish fantasies of orthodox "science", which has somehow come by the idiotic idea that the existence of microwave ovens, GPS satellites and personal computers might indicate a more accurate understanding of the principles by which the universe operates than that possessed by the manufacturers of mystic talismans supported by testimonial evidence, uncontrolled user tests and the sorts of studies that cause spikes in the blood pressure of "scientists" who work so hard to get their own papers published because, of course, their papers are mere tissues of lies that never mention "biomeridians" or "Applied Kinesiology"...

...which is here discussed in a way clearly calculated to underhandedly attack Q-Link's products!

If you buy something that's meant to operate by "Sympathetic Resonance Technology™" or "non-Hertzian frequencies", you should of course take it back for a refund if it turns out not to contain seemingly-meaningless components that aren't connected to anything. Those components are where the magic happens, people!

Now, I know that some of you are the sort of raving "science"-worshippers that won't take Mr Fenech's word by itself as proof that the Q-Link Mini is worth $US24.95 - or even $AU48, which for some reason is what it costs here.

Rest assured, all you Moon-landing conspirators and Nazi doctors, that Mr Fenech has diligently secured supportive quotes from the entirely unbiased CEO of Q-Link Australia, and also a naturopath called Daniel Taylor, who appears to be a practitioner of the "Dorn Method", which regrettably does not seem to have anything to do with being knocked out to demonstrate how dangerous the latest threat to the Enterprise D is.

I don't believe a study's yet been done to determine what happens if you use one of those antenna-enhancing stickers at the same time as a Q-Link Mini. Be warned that adding a battery-enhancing sticker and a Guardian Angel battery may result in headache, irritable bowels or time travel.

10 Responses to “Self-adhesive super-science!”

  1. Hydaral Says:

    WTF is going on in journalism now? Is "Technology Writer" now just a title given to the guy in the office who can clear the paper jam out of the printer?

    How is it not obvious to ANYONE reading that article that if the device actually worked, then the phone wouldn't. And since when is a naturopath a credible source?

    I love this bit: "Research has shown that we are exposed to 100 million times more electromagnetic energy than our grandparents." Ummmm, source?

    Did anyone else see the "90 Day Money Back Guarantee" on the SRT-2 Pendant page? Presumably this would mean they have some way of proving that it works. Or should the guarantee be rephrased as "Money back guaranteed once you figure out you have been ripped off"

  2. Popup Says:

    Is "Technology Writer" now just a title given to the guy in the office who can clear the paper jam out of the printer?

    No, I think you're being too generous here. All that it takes is the ability to slightly tweak a press release. (After all, that seems to be how most tech articles are written these days...)

    Actual 'tech' credentials used to include being able to spell to 'resistor', but with modern advances in spell checkers, even that is no longer a requirement.

  3. mlipphardt Says:

    @Hydaral; my great-grannys field strength meter - made entirely out of homespun flax and bits of rock - never registered a single nanowatt. Obviously that's all the evidence you need that our forebears were radiation-free.

    Sadly, this will be taken by a LOT of people as a reliable source of information and this guy will sell a boatload of these things. Hopefully though he will have to spend the profits from prison.

  4. Alex Whiteside Says:

    Amazon UK recently added the Q-Link to its Vine program.

    This may have been a mistake.

    (I'm wearing mine now. Its assembly of a surprisingly low standard for a £80 lump of plastic and a little copper wire.)

  5. farnz Says:

    These people are always asking for a bit of scientician-baiting; in particular, I'd like to know whether they take care to ensure that they never come into contact with nanowaves. These horrifically damaging electromagnetic waves (like microwaves, only worse - you've heard of nanotech and "grey goo", right?), running at frequencies of 400 terahertz or more are encountered in all sorts of modern life situations, and are known to cause immense damage to organic cell structure, and (unlike cellphone radiation), are even proven to damage non-organic components.

    Even cautious exposure to nanowaves can cause wrinkled skin and liver spots; with the levels present in modern Australia, it is possible to blind yourself by incautious exposure.

    Fortunately, nanowaves are easily blocked with a little care; this paint, applied to any glass surfaces, blocks most nanowave radiation. Are you protected from this dangerous electromagnetic waveband, or do you prefer to gamble with your life, and the lives of your children?

    For those of you who can't be bothered with Google right now, 400 THz is red light, going up through yellow at about 500 THz, to UV at around 800 THz; these frequencies have wavelengths measured in nanometres, hence calling them nanowaves. And, of course, many of the people who are terrified by microwave radiation in low doses (the milliwatts of a handheld mobile phone system) are also proponents of exposing yourself to nanowave radiation at hundreds of watts for sensible periods of time.

  6. JsD Says:

    . . . Are these idiots even trying any more?
    In their position, I'd start running off shoddy-quality Faraday suits, on the basis that I can then legitimately claim they have some sort of effect on 'harmful electrical impulses.' (Like unexpected interaction with high-tension powerlines, or being struck by lightning).
    Also, you'd be able to spot morons more easily were they all clad in woven Copper. :p

  7. yetanotherdan Says:

    I would make the obligatory reference to but unfortunately someone somewhere IS making a lot of money out of this sort of thing, even though it doesn't work.

  8. dr_w00t Says:

    Never mind all of that!

    I'd almost consider buying one on the strength of the font they use in that video!

  9. ScottMc Says:

    Believe it all not, it looks like The Daily Telegraph may in fact have some shame after all (or at least been embarrassed by all the bad press generated by this "story"). The article appears to have been removed from their website.

    Just to add a bit of background, according to Crikey, Stephen Fenech is the brother of Mario Fenech, who is a paid promoter of Q-Link products - I wonder if that was disclosed it the original article? :-)

  10. A man from the Internet Says:

    Your story is on Media Watch!

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