Vendors of "haunted" objects have apparently diversified from merely selling spooky dolls. Now there are about a billion other "haunted" things for sale on eBay.
(Actually, as I write this, there are only about ten thousand hits for non-Halloween "haunted" things in ebay.com's ever-entertaining "Everything Else" category. There's similar nonsense scattered around various other categories, but Everything Else, especially the wall-to-wall-BS "Metaphysical" subcategory, is where the real winners are to be found.)
You name it, someone's selling it. Ordinary glass marbles that've allegedly "captured the energy at the moment of all sunspot explosions that have ever happened on the surface of the sun". Dime-store rings that allegedly come with an "astral plane incubus", guaranteed to "bring you pleasure during dreams". A "Powerful Amulet" enchanted by a "psychic witch" to bring in "MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY & CASH FAST".
Some of this stuff costs less than ten dollars all told - the money-amulet is fifteen bucks delivered, but just think how fast you'll make it back. And the "HAUNTED MOST POWERFUL ASTRAL TRAVEL ORB IN THE WORLD!" costs thirty bucks delivered. But c'mon, it's "SUPERCHARGED WITH ASTRAL TRAVEL ENERGY!"
It's possible to spend a fair bit more, though.
"HAUNTED 7 DEVATA PENDANT MOST AMAZING ITEM ON EBAY"? Yours for $149.99.
"Haunted Demon Ring and much more! Money, Power, Love"? $160 delivered.
"HAUNTED WICCAN MARID GENIE DJINN MASSIVE BINDING RITUAL"? $369.99.
"DJINN SON OF OSIRIS HAUNTED RING MARID/EFRIT JINN GENIE"? Fifteen hundred bucks.
"Haunted Ghostly Hand Asylum Window Black & White Photo" or "HAUNTED- THE RING OF UMBRA - THE SEAL OF THE SUMMONER"? Each $2500.
(But the photo doesn't apparently do anything, while the Ring of Umbra is just dripping with "ISHAB MalFatah & Muhamad-Dal-Jafi Magic". This will apparently pretty much turn you into Mister Mxyzptlk.)
"FORTUNATE MISS CLEMENTINE HAUNTED AND LUCKY JEWELRY"? Seventeen thousand dollars.
"AUSTRALIAN BLACK OPAL GEMSTONE 14K GOLD PENDANT HAUNTED"?
Twenty-seven thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine dollars. And thirty cents.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:
The voting public.
11 October 2008 at 7:06 pm
ROFLOL!
11 October 2008 at 10:59 pm
MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY & CASH FAST
At least, that one works it seems.
Just not for you.
11 October 2008 at 11:38 pm
This one reminded me of the "wealthstone" from Piers Anthony's On a Pale Horse...
12 October 2008 at 1:26 am
You may, perhaps, be wondering whether these sellers, like the haunted-doll sellers, actually manage to shift any product. A "Completed Listings" search in the "Metaphysical" category currently shows that one $17,000 "HAUNTED AND LUCKY" bracelet was, allegedly, successfully sold.
That might not actually be true - it was a Buy It Now, so if the winner bounced a cheque or something then the seller would just have to list the item again. At least some of the green numbers in the Completed list must represent genuine purchases, though.
The next-highest price is a mere $1225, for this "Haunted Gypsy GENIE JINN DJINN MARID WISH!", which attracted forty-six bids. And this "HAUNTED Ultimate WARLOCK CREATURE GENIE DIAMOND RING", the listing for which makes it sound as if the person who made it must have at least five more experience levels than Sauron, went for $690 after 15 bids.
12 October 2008 at 2:08 am
I guess some of these items must be cursed, not haunted because:
Seeing these auctions, and contemplating about the sheer size of human idiocy on this small world makes me physically sick. And since this is all your fault Dan, messenger of bad news and all that, I demand retribution in the form of a few, new kitten pictures to make me feel better.
12 October 2008 at 2:39 am
Very well:
(Compare and contrast with Joey as he is now.)
12 October 2008 at 12:11 pm
Awwwww. Almost no difference.
Well, a little bit more white, a little bit more black, and a bit more of the other stuff cats are made of. Fluff and cuteness, right?
One day, when I'm rich and famous, I'm going to get myself a bunch of cats. And I don't care if the kids will call me the crazy catman.
12 October 2008 at 1:39 pm
A friend of mine once tried to sell one of those cheapo porcelain masks on eBay as a spooooooky haunted ghost mask. He hated that thing to death -- I'm not even sure how he ended up with it. But he wrote up a big long thing about how an old girlfriend put a curse on it and on and on, and eventually sold it for about $20.
To us. We bought it and shipped it to the person he was taking a trip to visit, and she left it on the pillow in his bedroom. I'm told the scream could be heard from quite a distance. ;-)
17 October 2008 at 6:48 am
@Darien
The awesomeness of that prank defies all logic. Props.