Empower your piston pressure!

Car-enhancing thingamajig

I am indebted to the reader who pointed me to the eBay listing for this item.

As he said, the listing really does tell you everything you need to know about it:

Car Drive Power Igniting Ignite Engine Air Power Plus


* Most Hi-Tech, Quality product;
* Power up your car engine;
* Power and smooth driving;
* Auto adjust electronic frequency system, to fasten super plugs igniting the engine accurately within the shortest time, and also to empower the piston pressure to its maximum emplosion;
* Size: 70 x 25mm (L*D)
* Weight: 70g

From the description, you'd think it was meant to be some sort of high-energy-ignition doodad. But it's got a hose barb on either end, so perhaps you're meant to put it in your fuel line.

Or maybe the windscreen-washer hose.

I'm so confused.

(The listing also says "The photos are just for illustration purposes only", which I think you'll find is the usual purpose of photos in eBay listings. But perhaps it means the thing they send you will actually plug into the cigarette lighter socket, or something.)

6 Responses to “Empower your piston pressure!”

  1. Amstrad Says:

    I must simply reply: EMPLOSION!

  2. Red October Says:

    P.T. Barnum LIVES! Indeed, this is two (?) pieces of shit nailed to-gether in a way that two pieces of shit have never been nailed to-gether before, and, sure enough, SOMEONE will buy it and fill the coffers of the person who posted the advert. No doubt the purchaser already has a twisty little bit of aluminium in his intake, a magnet on his fuel line, some sort of crazy jar downstream from the magnet, a widget plugged into his cigar lighter, and doses his car with tablets more frequently than himself. He may or may not also have tinfoil in his trilby.

  3. MorganGT Says:

    explosion = stuff flies outwards;
    implosion = stuff flies inwards;

    emplosion must be somewhere inbetween, therefore nothing happens. Sounds about right for such a thing.

    When you nail 2 pieces of shit together, use a nice new nail - people will be so distracted by the shiny thing they won't notice the smell of the stuff it is holding together!

  4. TwoHedWlf Says:

    I believe it's for an all new type of emplosion engine. It does not need any valves, intake or fuel. It explodes the fuel in the chamber pushing the piston down then implodes it again bringing the piston back up where it's all set to start over again. The super engine then gets you almost twice the power for less complexity and zero fuel burn.

    It's the same system KITT used in the original Knight Rider, that's why he never had to stop for gas.

  5. Jonadab Says:

    MorganGT: If you're going to be a pedant, do try to get your pedantry *right*. The prefix "em" is not a combination of "ex" and "im", but a different prefix altogether, which I believe implies causation. You can find it in such words as empower, emaciate, embalm, embellish, emblazon, embody, empathize, ...

    So "emplosion", if it were a word, would probably refer to the act of causing plosion. I can think of several words this article might cause someone to say that start with a plosive (i.e., a consonantal stop), so maybe that's what Amstrad was talking about ;-)

  6. Jonadab Says:

    On second thought, maybe he meant that this device could imbue your fuel line, or wherever you hook it up, with plosion. That's kind of a scary thought, actually.

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