Firepower: Just a fricking misunderstanding

"You will see: we will eventually be vindicated and our investors will be well rewarded", claims Firepower boss Tim Johnston in an interview with The Australian. He also insists that he hasn't been hiding at all. (He just hasn't been anywhere the people who want him to pay what he owes have been looking. Oh, and not answering the phone, either.)

Johnston insists he's perfectly innocent, all of those never-shown-to-do-anything Firepower "products" work fine, Four Corners' report was a vile calumny, the investors will all get their money back, et cetera.

He also, at one point, is reported to have used the word "fricking".

And now, another link-dump of news stories about Firepower that've come out since my last update, in roughly chronological order, newest first:

Apparently Rose and Willie Porteous, or maybe only Rose, also bought into Firepower, and are as a result now one step closer to the penury which anybody which who cares to read up on them will, I think, agree they deserve.

The Australian High Commissioner in Pakistan is reported to have "acted unwisely" when she bought 200,000 shares in Firepower, but has been judged to have suffered enough, and so kept her job.

And there was a brief flap over a gaggle of Australian Defence Force chiefs who, apparently, invested in Firepower, and then became rather kindly disposed to the company. To the point where they let Firepower use the Navy frigate HMAS Sydney for a function in 2006, for free.

The function was to launch the basketball season for the Firepower-sponsored Sydney Kings, who followed Firepower down the plughole and no longer exist.

(The above Herald report is excellent, except for the part where it says "Firepower employees at the function literally swept from one person to the next generating confidence". One would think they used brooms for this purpose, but they were on a ship, so perhaps they swabbed the deck with mops.)

Firepower, by the way, gave people attending the above Frigate Function goodie bags including some of their magic pills, the unimpressiveness of which started the ball rolling at the Herald.

The previously-mentioned Warren Anderson said that people who'd lost money on Firepower were just "greedy". This statement was received with a certain amount of astonishment by the company's liquidator, who pointed out that expecting an investment to appreciate is kind of... the only reason why anybody invests.

Anderson's point was that many Firepower investors had "accountants and bloody lawyers and Christ knows what", and so should have been able to tell that the company wasn't on the level. And, one presumes, should then have sold on their foolishly-purchased shares for a handsome profit before Firepower folded. You know - like Warren Anderson himself did.

The above-linked article isn't primarily about the liquidator; it's about some un-named "Sydney man" who's alleged by a large group of small shareholders (presumably not including the ones who had "accountants and lawyers"...) to have embezzled five million bucks from Firepower. And therefore impeded Firepower's efforts to keep all of that money for itself.

The creditors are chasing this guy because, according to local litigation-funding company IMF, they've got bugger-all chance of squeezing any cash out of Firepower's entirely straightforward and above-board international operations. The liquidator previously said that unless the investors find someone to sue, they're not going to get a penny.

And then there's one Frank Timis, described in The Australian as "a colourful Romanian-Australian businessman", who says he's starting a new business that'll repay (plus ten per cent!) all of the ripped-off investors.

Timis and his new company, the entirely-unconfusingly-named "Greenpower" (or perhaps "Green Power"), scores a mention in the recent Johnston interview piece, too. Apparently Tim and Frank will be issuing free shares in the new company to shareholders in the old, so don't you worry about that.

(About 25 seconds after Timis said investors would be paid back, the IMF litigation-funders pointed out that this promise might just possibly not be worth an awful lot. IMF, like others, advises investors to consider their money to be gone, gone, gone.)

Firepower link-dump

My "what?!" for today was prompted by a Perth Now piece titled, wait for it, "Johnston builds new Firepower".

Yep - Tim Johnston, creator of the whole Firepower debacle, is "...trying to buy Firepower stock and assets for overseas-registered company Green Power Corporation".

(The piece goes on to point out that the Green Power Corporation in question is not this one in Thailand. So don't hassle them unless their Web site suddenly starts sprouting ads for magic fuel pills and/or expensive franchised engine-cleaning machines.)

[UPDATE:: "Firepower chief back to try again". Such grit! Such determination! In the face of such skepticism! The actual newspaper reports are now frankly calling Firepower's products "fake", but that does not deter Mr Johnston!]

While we're all waiting for a more pleasing headline - I suggest "Johnston gets twenty years stamping numberplates for conventionally-powered cars" - here's a selection of other recent coverage of the Firepower saga.

"Anderson in shares scandal" is another Perth Now piece, about the "colourful" Western Australian property developer who apparently bought a bunch of Firepower's not-quite-legally-issued shares and sold them on for a profit of more than four million bucks. (Here's a longer piece from The Australian on this subject. I presume Anderson is still eager to opine that Tim Johnston is not a criminal.)

How much of that four million, and all the other millions poured into getting a share of Firepower's worthless products, can the naïve investors expect to get back, I hear you ask?

That's right: Not a cent. Small investors are, as usual, screwed the hardest.

Firepower's largest single creditor (of a cast of thousands) continues to be Tim's former business partner Ross Graham, who I mentioned in this post.

The Firepower site still says Ross was very pleased to be involved with Firepower, on account of its amazingly valuable products and rock-solid business fundamentals - but what he's actually doing now is spending another hundred thousand bucks to get a liquidator of his choice appointed to the now-very-dead company, so as to maximise the chance that he'll get back at least a little of the ten million bucks he says he's owed.

I continue to wish Ross no luck at all in this venture. If you take an active role in a scam and then find that you're one of the people that ends up ripped off, you deserve what you got.

(Previously, there were hopes that Firepower could somehow be "rescued". Those hopes were of course dashed. The idea that Firepower was even worth rescuing was based on the incorrect assumption that the Firepower products were good for something, and not just the latest version of an old, old scam. That same scam had been run by the same guy on previous occasions, for Pete's sake.)

Slightly earlier: Firepower financial info 'goes missing'. Apparently Firepower kept some rather important salary information on one computer, with no backups. That computer apparently, like the Luggage, followed Tim Johnston to his current undisclosed, but probably lavishly furnished, location.

Said undisclosed location apparently has rather unreliable telephone service. Tim hasn't even been able to talk to creditors on the phone.

My occasional correspondent Gerard Ryle, still working on his book about the Firepower story, wrote "Firepower collapse fallout" for the Sydney Morning Herald. Apparently the sportspeople and teams who got stiffed for sponsorship money Firepower owed them, and the other sporting schmucks who invested in Firepower and lost the lot, were the lucky ones.

The unlucky ones are the ones who actually got money from Firepower - after it was already insolvent. They have of course generally spent that money, but may now have to repay it, because the creditors want it.

There's a point worth making: It's not even safe to accept payment from a rip-off artist. If the money he pays you turns out to not have been his to give, you can end up in a much worse situation than if he hadn't paid you at all.

Earlier, Tim Johnston was "reported to the Australian Securities and Investment Commission for further investigation". I expect ASIC to take three, or maybe seven, years to generate a very thorough report indeed on the several most reliable ways in which stable doors might, in future, be bolted.

To be fair, ASIC apparently started investigating Firepower late last year, after previously ignoring warnings. And shady companies like Firepower can pretty much always slither past government regulators for a while, partly because they simply don't file any of the legally-required paperwork, and so don't appear on the regulators' radar until plenty of suckers have already paid up. But it wasn't until July this year that they took real concrete action. Casual basketball fans figured the situation out earlier than that.

So it really does seem that ASIC were very slow to react to the quite obvious shonkiness of this very high-profile company. I suppose the fact that Firepower had leverage with Austrade didn't hurt.

Miracle Juice or Alien Race?

In the shadowy netherworld of multi-level marketing, a lot of people are trying to sell juice.

It isn't ordinary juice, though. You wouldn't get far trying to shift orange, apple or grape juice via the trapezoid. The same multiple commission stages that make Amway floor polish too expensive would crank the price of your juice up far past the supermarket price of similar products.

The juice the network-marketers are trying to sell is much more special. Allegedly. It's usually from one or another improbably-named tropical tree or Chinese berry, and it's supposed to be good for what ails you.

Not that the companies that make the juices will say that. Oh, no. They're all hiding behind the US Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994, a.k.a. the DSHEA, which allows makers of "nutritional supplements" to sell pretty much whatever they like, without being required to prove efficacy or safety. As long as they don't make any therapeutic claims.

The great thing about multi-level marketing, for the people behind these programs, is that they can stay clean and avoid making illegal claims about their "dietary supplements", while their desperate-for-a-buck "distributors" say all sorts of outrageous things to try to shift product. It's like the white-van speaker racket, where a company brings crappy speakers with names similar to those of real speaker companies into the country, then hands them over to the guys in the vans. And, at the end of the day, takes their (large) share of the money. The speaker importers, like the MLM "supplement" companies, take pains to point out that they can in no way be blamed for what certain bad apples among their distributor base may do to turn product into profit.

Vibe card front

Somehow, this promotional card ended up in our house. It's obviously for a US program; I think it got to us here in Australia packed into a box with an eBay purchase.

This card is perfectly representative of the basic claims made for the phalanx of MLM miracle juices. Apart from ticks for a few of the boxes on the Twenty-Five Ways to Spot Quacks and Vitamin Pushers list, there's:

* Indistinct-enough-to-be-legal health claims.
* A frank statement that this miracle juice is better than all of the other miracle juices. (I'm pretty sure they all say this. It's like the Caliph whose wives were each more beautiful than the last.)
* MAKE BIG $$$MONEY$$$!!! CALL NOW!!!!

This particular juice has a strangely normal name, "Vibe". Close analysis of the better-than-everyone-else part, though, will turn up three of the big names in this field: "Xango" (I'm sorry - "XanGo"), "Goji" and "Noni".

And there's more. "Vemma" (which is allegedly based on mangosteen juice, like XanGo), "Monavie", "Zrii", "NingXia" and "eXfuze". And probably more; that's just all I could Google up before I got bored.

All of these juices are probably better, at least, than Kinoki foot pads, because they do actually have some nutritive value. But the reason why they're supposed to be worth more per bottle than quite fancy wine is that they're all allegedly made from "superfruits". Those are edible (in some cases only technically...) fruits or berries with unusually high "ORAC" scores.

The proud statement that this juice is "ORAC Certified" at first, of course, caused me to think that the Respectful Insolence guy was running a little sideline in dietary supplements. But it's actually talking about "Oxygen Radical Absorption Capacity" measurement. In this case, from "Brunswick Labs".

Surprisingly enough, the ORAC test is actually a real one, and it's quite possible that Brunswick Labs, despite a plethora of not-quite-medical claims on their own Web site, are quite kosher and actually doing real ORAC tests. They don't, at least, look like one of those pure quack-labs that'll analyse a sample of your hair and invariably then discover that you're in life-threatening need of whatever service is provided by the alternative practitioner who commissioned the test.

High ORAC values tell you that there are lots of antioxidants in a given foodstuff. It's common knowledge that antioxidants are terribly good for you, and especially good at slowing the aging process. There's not actually much reason to suppose that this is in fact the case, but common knowledge does not appear to care.

Result: Umpteen funny-named MLM-sold super-expensive ultra-juices that do not necessarily do anything for you that a glass of far cheaper OJ won't.

(And if you buy orange juice instead, you probably won't be endlessly pestered by whoever sold it to you to start selling it yourself, so you can get your share of the failure.)

Here's the other side of the Vibe promotional card:

Vibe card reverse

"Just ONE POTENT OUNCE OF VIBE is EQUIVALENT to nutriends** found in..."

That double-asterisk is presumably supposed to direct you to the two single-asterisk notes about Brunswick Labs ORAC testing, but neither of them explains what a "nutriend" is.

Such amazing nutrient levels don't actually necessarily sound like something you'd want, anyway. Apart from the well-established fact that taking lots of vitamins generally just gives you very expensive wee, one ounce of this stuff is supposed to give you "11 tomatoes worth of vitamin A".

One medium whole tomato should give you 20 per cent of your daily Vitamin A requirement. So slurping down tons more of that vitamin may give you something in common with Douglas Mawson.

(The juice-pushers will, of course, tell you that the Recommended Daily Allowances for vitamins are far too low. I refer you, once more, to the Twenty-Five Ways.)

And then there's "30 broccoli". 30 broccoli whats? The tiny little florets? 30 stalks from ground level up? 30 pounds?

And "Certified Organic Aloe Vera Gel", quantity not specified. But since I don't think anybody's ever demonstrated aloe to have any particular nutritional constituents that can't be found in greater concentrations in something that doesn't taste nearly as horrible, I presume a little goes a long way.

And so on.

But don't worry - even though it's so darn packed with nutrients, drinking Vibe will somehow make you thinner... on account of how "energized" you'll be!

("More energy" would appear one of those just-fuzzy-enough claims that "supplement" companies love to toss around. Searching Google for "more energy" juice mlm currently turns up well over 10,000 hits. Some of these MLM-ed supplements are packed to the gills with caffeine and not-necessarily-legal-any-more ephedra, of course, but I doubt that's the case for most of the super-juices.)

It's the names of all these miracle juices that really get to me, though.

Xango! Zrii! Goji! Vemma!

Someone should make a "Multilevel-Marketed Miracle Juice or Star Trek Alien Race?" page, like the "Porn Star or My Little Pony?" one.

Scam magnetism

Apropos previous mentions of lazy spam-scammers, here's one who's working harder.

I got three copies of his "order", sent to my domain-registration e-mail address, my private iiNet address, and dan@dansdata.com. The man's thorough!

From: "Bill Jackson" <rev.billjackson@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, 12 Aug 2008 16:11:41 -0700
To: sushilmehta0072000@yahoo.com
Subject: order

Hello good day my name is Rev.Bill Jackson i will like to order some Fuel
Savers from you and will like to nop the cost for each plus tax and dont
include shipping cost

Thorough, but dumb.

Perhaps there's a little symbiont circle out there, of scam artists making worthless fuel-savers and other scam artists buying said fuel-savers with fake bank cheques.

(See also.)

Oh, and the New South Wales Office of Fair Trading has announced an investigation into fuel-saving devices. They somehow managed to not mention the word "firepower" anywhere in the press release.

Posted in Scams, Spam. 3 Comments »

Warning: Harsh language ahead

My Oh, For Fuck's Sake Award Winner for today:

Scalar Wave Lasers.

It's so bizarre, even compared with certain previously-mentioned sites, that you'd think it was a joke. But the domain registration looks kosher (joke sites usually have some sort of obvious giveaway in the whois data), and there are tons of search hits.

Has anybody seen these things advertised on late-night TV, or something?

I wonder what crap they were selling before pink LEDs were available.

(I await the Google ads this post will attract with a Lovecraftian sense of fascinated horror.)

A new challenger appears

Rob at Boing Boing Gadgets has been favoured with correspondence from an enthusiastic proponent of Fuel Freedom International's "MPG-Caps". They're yet another magic pill for your fuel that'll give you more power and better mileage and whiter teeth and so on.

I think it is safe to say that Rob was not 100% sold on the idea.

The MPG-Caps also have their very own page on fuelsaving.info. Apparently they've been on sale for an awfully long time, under one name or another - but what do you know, even after decades there hasn't been one proper independent test that proves their claims.

So away we go again. A fool and his money are welcome here.

The whole Firepower episode, like numerous other collapsing scams that I didn't personally have anything to do with, reminds me of the bit in the last episode of Band of Brothers where Webster abuses the endless line of German captives marching past him under guard: "What were you thinking? Dragging our asses half way around the world, interrupting our lives... For what, you ignorant, servile scum?! What the fuck are we doing here?"

Over and over, these God-damned scam artists take for suckers people who didn't pay enough attention in science class, and raise the blood pressure of people like my blog hosts with substanceless legal threats... and for what? Couldn't all this effort, all this ingenuity, be used in the service of something real?

Oh, I'm sorry - that'd mean you'd actually have to earn your million-dollar cars, wouldn't it?

Well, carry on then, I suppose.

The polite term is "developmentally delayed"

A reader brought my attention to Cracked's 6 Retarded Gas Saving Schemes (People Are Actually Trying). I've could make a couple of minor technical complaints about it, but overall it's great. The more people point out the idiocy of things like running your car on water and magic gasoline pills, the better.

I got a kick out of the Khaos Super Turbo Charger (KSTC), which apparently made as big a splash in the Philippines as Firepower did here in Australia. The KSTC has its very own page on fuelsaving.info; there's another page about air-bleed devices in general.

Fuel scammers often seem to take the thirty-something per cent thermodynamic efficiency of internal combustion engines to mean that sixty-something per cent of the fuel isn't being burned, when the actual amount of fuel that escapes the engine unburned or only partially combusted is a few per cent, at the very worst. For most vehicles today, it's well under one per cent, as I noted when Firepower tried the same line on me.

Cracked's number one Retarded Gas Saving Scheme is "Water4Gas" from one "Ozzie Freedom". It's a particularly elaborate kit of parts - including various aquarium components, and not one but two jam-jars - that's meant to let you run your car at least partially on, that's right, water.

I mention this in hopes of attracting some more of those hilarious Google ads from the several other water-fueled-car companies out there, all of which have mysteriously failed to make the trillions of dollars you'd expect.

(This is, of course, because of The Conspiracy. Which somehow doesn't stop these people from selling their ridiculous kits to soon-to-be-disappointed customers.)

Oh, and meanwhile it's come to light that the list of people to whom Firepower promised money and never delivered includes the Liberal Party of Australia.

At this stage I'm surprised that Tim Johnston - who in the photo accompanying the article has a hairstyle that looks not unlike a Brylcreemed ballsack - didn't go door-to-door slipping IOUs into people's letter boxes.

Awesome .999 Fine Lead Bullion! In convenient "pipe" shape!

Because I have a small element collection, I occasionally troll eBay for interesting metals.

Recently, I've noticed people selling "copper bullion".

This, for those of you not up on precious-metal terminology, is a contradiction in terms. Bullion ("No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.") is, by definition, precious metals. Gold, silver, platinum, palladium; a metal that's rare enough that it can be used as a reasonably portable means of exchange in its own right, not just struck into coins that can be used to purchase goods worth far more than the coins' intrinsic metal value.

Copper, on the other hand, is a "base metal". It's common enough that trading it by the ounce is ridiculous. As I write this, the spot price for copper is about $US3.85 per pound, not per ounce.

(It occurs to me that this may be the heart and soul of the copper bullion scam. Just charge as much per ounce as the metal is actually worth per pound, and wait for some Modern Jackass to take the bait.)

What people are trading for $3.85 a pound on the base metal markets may or may not be .999-purity "fine" copper, but it's actually quite easy to buy very pure copper from engineering suppliers, or indeed your local hardware store. You generally have to pay more to get copper that's been alloyed with something else.

Today, the price of copper has risen enough that many small-denomination copper coins are now worth more intrinsically than their face value. I've got a roll of fifty of the old, now withdrawn, Australian one-cent pieces here; it weighs about 132 grams, which at $US3.85 a pound makes this "fifty cent" roll worth about $AU1.15 right now.

That's still not a lot, though, and the notion of selling copper as bullion remains silly. There's no real market for it. If you go into one of those heavily-armoured shops that buys and sells gold and silver bullion and try to sell them a slab of copper, they'll laugh and send you on your way.

Precious-metal prices always rise whenever one or more of the world's great economies are in bad shape, so the USA's current enthusiastic attempt to commit economic suicide has created a big spike in gold and silver prices. As I write this, gold is worth around $US970 per troy ounce, and silver's around $US19. As recently as 2000, gold was worth less than $US290 per troy ounce, and silver was around five bucks an ounce.

One troy ounce of copper, at the moment, is worth about 26 US cents.

Even if you've got a tonne of copper, it'll still be worth less than $US8500 at the moment. $US8500 worth of gold currently weighs six-tenths of a pound.

And yet... there are people selling "copper bullion". EBay's rotten with 'em at the moment.

I just did a "completed items" search for "copper bullion" on eBay, and turned up one 1055-gram bar that went for $US34.05 ex delivery (value at $3.85 per pound: $US8.97), a one-pound bar that went for $US18.51 (and is now worth, that's right, $US3.85), and an overstruck US copper penny (you could still see the ghost of "ONE CENT" and the Lincoln Memorial through the crudely-restruck eagle and "1/10 TROY OUNCE .950 COPPER"...), which sold for $US3.25.

If that penny was genuinely a tenth of a troy ounce - which sounds near enough - then the 95% copper content in it might actually be worth as much as 2.5 cents now.

And on it went. Before I got too depressed to go on, I found at least one successfully-sold "MASSIVE!! 3 KILOS .999 Fine Copper Bullion Bar/ Ingot"... for $US140 plus delivery.

It's worth $US25.46.

I did like the little ingots (available in copper and silver!) stamped with an image of Martha Mitchell holding a telephone, though.

Even if you decide to get in on the ground floor by buying a hundred of the one-troy-ounce "Australian Copper Bullion" ingots currently on offer on ebay.com.au, what you've actually just bought is 6.86 pounds of copper, worth less than $US27.

As I write this, the eBay Buy It Now price for one of those packages of a hundred little ingots is $AU350 - about $US340 - plus delivery.

So even if the price of copper rises by a factor of ten, you won't have made your money back, unless you manage to find yourself a greater fool on whom to unload your zillions of little copper bookmarks.

I have a nice 25 by 15 by 250mm offcut of copper bar - I bought it from this seller, now on OZtion instead of eBay. It's great for demonstrating eddy-current magnetic braking, with a rare-earth magnet. But it weighs 827.5g, which is 26.6 troy ounces - ninety-three dollars and ten cents, at the $3.50-an-ounce "bullion" price!

I also bought a bunch of 3.5-inch copper boat nails a while ago. (Copper's used for boat nails because it won't corrode, and you can drive work-hardened copper nails through wood with no trouble; when I annealed one of the nails, though, I could bend it with ease.) I've given a few of the nails away, but have about 950 grams of 'em left, and I think they're quite pure copper.

The copper in the nails is worth only about eight bucks at the current spot price, and they cost me about forty Australian bucks delivered - but if I melted them down into fancy little ingots and sold them for $3.50 a troy ounce, they'd bring me well over a hundred dollars!

Heck, I've got a whole box of old CPU coolers, many of which have solid copper heat sinks! I'm a MILLIONAIRE!

(Oh, and I wrote the title for this page before I discovered that at least one eBay seller actually is selling "lead bullion". Oy.)

This scam's a weird one, though it's apparently been around for a while; Google for "copper bullion" and you'll find quite a lot of exceedingly dodgy Web sites trying to get you to buy the stuff. (One of the sites I found also linked to one of those "run your car on water" sites that always show up in the Google ads whenever I write about how you can't run your car on water.)

The scam would also appear to be quite well-known among people who spend a lot of time trading metals on eBay.

With any luck, this blog post will save at least one person from blowing their kids' university fund on vastly overpriced copper door-stops.