Further Firepower folderol

Thanks to Anthony Klan's new piece in The Australian, I now have a few more pieces of the riveting Firepower jigsaw puzzle.

(And yes, that's right, Firepower are now getting a kicking from the Murdoch press as well as the Fairfax-owned Sydney Morning Herald.)

My bestest buddy Mr Stephen Moss is such a fresh-faced looking chap because he's only twenty-three. And his father, Bill Moss, used to be the Head of the Banking and Property Group at Macquarie Bank.

Before he resigned from the bank, Bill Moss was part of a Macquarie Bank consortium that bought the Sydney Kings basketball team for $AU400,000, and then sold the team to Firepower for two million bucks. Nice work if you can get it.

Stephen's own Firepower-but-not-Firepower business, whose name he never revealed to me, is apparently called Global Fuel Technologies.

That company name appears to only exist on pages having to do with Firepower. It is notably absent from the Australian Business Register.

And now Stephen's unhappy, because he's one of the numerous people to whom Firepower owe money. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, he says.

Not to worry, Steve - I'm sure your dad'll be happy to help you out. I hear he's been doing rather well lately.

Sayonara, Firepower!

It's been a while since I last wrote about the fine and upstanding fuel-additive company, Firepower.

We left them threatening my long-suffering blog hosts because I made available for download some promotional literature which Firepower's Australian CEO instructed me to make available for download. That, you may recall, was after he himself had decided not to sue me after all.

That second threat - from some Firepower representative who still hasn't had the courage to actually contact me - didn't work out too well for them, as anybody who's spent a minute or two on teh intarwebs could have predicted.

But I'm sure Firepower have worse things to worry about now. Because, amazingly enough for a company whose fuel-saving products would obviously be worth hundreds of billions of dollars a year if the claims made for them were true, Firepower now appear to be on the verge of collapse.

Offices abandoned, boss-man uncontactable, angry creditors (including the basketball team Firepower so famously bought) trying to get their money... it's a sad, sad scene, which observers of the burgeoning magic-fuel-pill industry haven't witnessed since, oh, the last magic-fuel-pill company came along.

(The Firepower debacle has been very bad for the entire Australian National Basketball League. Not only did they buy one of the front-running teams and then just kind of... not pay anybody, but they apparently got one of their mates into an advisory position for the whole League.)

Oh, yeah - remember those financially brilliant sportsmen who so eagerly invested in Firepower? On account of how they saw a video in which some chimneys were producing black smoke, and then it turned white, and if that isn't hard scientific evidence then I don't know what is?

Bad news for them too, I'm afraid.

Yes, I'm a bit gloat-y about all this. But overall I'm just... tired.

Over and over and over, this shit happens. Some bloke in a thousand-dollar suit turns up with a PowerPoint presentation and some dodgy supporting documentation from conveniently far-away nations, claiming to have a magic substance that causes internal combustion engines to do thermodynamically implausible things. If he's telling the truth then he'll be the richest man in history by a couple of orders of magnitude... and yet, instead of making his case to General Motors or Exxon, here he is in a rented serviced office, selling shares for cash.

And people hurl money at him, completely ignoring the fact that the same damn scam has been run hundreds of times before. Heck, they don't even care if the same guy has run the scam before.

And there's much excitement and news reports and press conferences, and extravagant displays of wealth and power (it's fine to spend millions on a basketball team; oddly enough, though, they never remember to spend a few grand on a proper test of their claims...), and anybody who dares point out that it's all obvious bullshit gets threatened with legal action.

And then... they take the money and run.

Again.

(Find all of my Firepower posts here.)

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Does your phone sometimes ring, and when you pick it up there's silence (not even heavy breathing), and then whoever called just hangs up on you after a few seconds?

No, it's not a burglar seeing if you're at home. Well, probably not, anyway.

It's a telemarketing company, using an autodialer.

The dialer works its way through its list of numbers, and when someone answers, it attempts to connect them to a human telemarketer. If all of those humans are already on another call, the autodialer just hangs up.

Some telemarketers say that this hang-up, or "abandon", rate is only about five per cent - the dialers are configurable, to dial more or less aggressively when almost all of the humans are busy. But I can tell you that I get a heck of a lot more than one hang-up for every nineteen who have someone available to waste my time in person.

Hang-up calls do, of course, tarnish the otherwise sterling reputation of the telemarketing industry. But, one, many people don't know that hang-up calls are from telemarketers. And, two, hang-ups tarnish the whole industry's reputation in general, while the slightly higher number of successful connections that a telemarketing company gets if they crank their autodialer up to maximum speed translates directly into more profit for that company.

That's right, kids; this is a Tragedy of the Commons. When an action X exists which is harmful yet profitable, and the harm is spread over a large group but the profit accrues only to whoever does X, it is in everybody's interest to do X, even if they know exactly why they shouldn't.

Here in Australia, it appears that telemarketers don't even have to use outgoing phone numbers that're visible on Caller ID, My hang-up calls are always from numbers that just come up as "PRIVATE".

And I can't, of course, ask the weasels responsible to take my number off their list, because I don't get to talk to them!

Yes, the phone number here is on the Australian Do Not Call Register. That doesn't seem to have helped a lot.

Getting an actual unlisted number genuinely does seem to work, but that ain't free, and apparently has to come along with the same "silent number" Caller ID un-listing that the telemarketer source numbers use. I don't want that.

To be fair, this is still not a major problem. The small Australian phone-sales market (our whole 775-million-hectare country has about 10% more people in it than 14-million-hectare New York State) just doesn't seem to support a very large number of professional telephone nuisances. So even though this household has made the horrible mistake of giving money to some charities that know what our phone number is, we only get, I don't know, maybe three telephone solicitations a week - versus the dozens per day that've historically been suffered by the worst-affected US households.

And I can't remember ever getting a recorded-message "robocall", though I know they do exist here.

To be perfectly honest, I prefer hang-up calls to the kind where an actual human says "Hello, is this Mr [surname of my girlfriend, to whom I am not married and whose surname I do not share]?"

I keep forgetting to tell those people to take me off their list. I can't resist the urge to tell them, using a few by-now-carefully-honed words, that their salutation has given them away, then hang up immediately.

Still and all, though, my vote stands ready to be cast in favour of the first politician whose Law And Order Crusade aims at People Who're Using Autodiallers For Anything Other Than Old-School Hard-Core Hacking, rather than the more traditional target of People Who'd Like To Be Happy.

If you can't get better, at least get revenge

I just received, complained about and deleted an unsolicited commercial e-mail promoting "The Highland Hypnotist, Scott Burke".

I needn't post it here, because you can read the whole thing for yourself on prlog.org, one of those sites where people can upload press releases about whatever they like.

It's pretty standard woo-woo claptrap. Mysterious Scottish wizard Has The Power to Cure What Ails Ye, et cetera. Except for the headline.

Which is, just in case you've not yet read the prlog.org page: "Highland Hypnotist Uses His Powers To Avenge Bad Health....or Your Money Back!"

Avenge bad health?

So, what, he finds the guy who made you sick and beats the hell out of him?

I suppose that could account for the money-back guarantee - "OK, you've still got diabetes, but you didn't see the part when I totally avenged the dickens out of it!".

(Actually, money-back guarantees like this are de rigueur for quacks of all colours. Some of them just never return anybody's money, of course, but most rely on the low number of warranty claims that're likely to turn up when your audience is self-selected for gullibility and you're treating variable illnesses with indistinct end-points.)

Posted in Scams, Spam. 5 Comments »

Designers: Idiots, or morons?

Behold, the "Virtual Wall"!

Impossible laser wall

It's a "barrier made up of plasma laser beams depicting pedestrians" to alert drivers to people crossing, more effectively than could a normal red light.

A magnificent idea, with only two minor drawbacks.

One, there's no way to make lasers do this, and two, there's no way to make lasers do this. I know that technically speaking that's only one drawback, but I thought it was such a big one, it was worth mentioning twice.

(OK, perhaps a "plasma laser" can do it. Who knows, since they don't exist. I bet a phased array of Star Wars blaster emitters would make a pretty good signage device too!)

A few of the commenters on the Yanko Design page have pointed out that you can't make a laser beam that's, I don't know, fatter in the middle, or something, unless you put optics out there in the display area. You'd either have to do that, or otherwise cause the lasers to scatter more light from one part of their beams than from another. This can't be done unless you blow something like smoke into the beam, and somehow magically make it hang there in the air in the shape of the image you want to create.

There are "displays" that do something rather like this with drops of water...

...metered out by solenoids in a sort of a giant skinny inkjet print head. But you can't do that with lasers unless you're happy with your images zooming across the display at the speed of light, which is generally a little too quick for motorists to notice.

I know that most designers are not blithering idiots, but there seems to be an endless supply of things like this, and that idiotic Gravia lamp, trying to persuade me otherwise.

Surely the absolute bedrock of design has to be making sure that what you're designing can actually exist in the real world. If you can actually get good marks in a design course by pulling the basics of your product out of your fundament and then concentrating on the packaging and presentation, aren't you really just doing marketing?

I'm In The Wrong Business of the day

On the subject of people believing imaginary stuff, did you know that it is possible to buy "haunted dolls" on eBay?

I knew that people occasionally sold allegedly-haunted paintings or dolls or whatever on eBay. Big deal; people sell all sorts of goofy crap there, now and then.

But "haunted dolls" appear to be becoming a mainstream product, now. There are more than a hundred of the darn things on ebay.com right now. And a "Completed Items" search shows that this isn't just some nutty seller who never gets a sale. People buy these things quite routinely, for average prices around $US30. Occasional outliers, with unusually florid all-caps gibberish in their descriptions and unusually blurry product shots, sell for more than a hundred bucks a doll.

Given that the dolls probably come from thrift stores and so cost close to nothing (old dolls are cheaper, and they look creepier! It's a win-win!), this looks like a pretty neat business to be in.

To realise your $US25-plus of profit per item, you do apparently need to write at least a thousand words describing all the creepy stuff each doll is supposed to do. But I'm sure a certain amount of copy-and-paste will pass unnoticed by the extremely sophisticated customers for these items. And it's not as if anybody daft enough to buy one in the first place is likely to demand a refund on the grounds that the doll they received is insufficiently imbued with otherworldly energies.

This is a pretty new market, though. I'm sure there's some room to optimise the business.

How about haunted rocks?

I mean, they're millions of years old; just imagine how much more haunty-ness they've soaked up over all that time!

Get 'em while they last!

Words of wisdom from my favourite lunatic

Exactly once in my life so far, I have met someone who seemed to be certifiably bonkers, and talked to him about his beliefs, and then actually witnessed him changing his mind.

(The fellow in question thought, among other things, that Chinese tanks were massing on the Mexican border, a charmingly antiquated piece of nuttery which really doesn't hold up well at all these days. When he thought about it a bit, apparently for the first time in his life, he agreed that this really couldn't be right. And the conversation actually got better from there!)

I had nothing better to do while we were waiting for the bus that day, but I still wish I hadn't bothered to talk to that man. Because that tiny success ignited within me a spark of hope that other people who seem on the surface to be completely batty can, in fact, be talked to in a rational way, and perhaps thereby pulled a little closer to consensus reality, nearness to which is strongly correlated with life-enhancing experiences like not waking up naked in an alley, or not shooting John Lennon.

In every single subsequent conversation with those of a psychoceramic persuasion I have, however, been utterly unsuccessful in changing anybody's mind about anything at all. Yet on I strive, driven by my one, increasingly distant, success, to the great frustration of both myself and my mentally unusual correspondents.

But at least now I can get a blog post out of it.

It's been a while since I heard from the good folk at Life Technology; the last time was almost a year ago, here. I must insist that any of you who haven't checked out the Life Technology site go and do so right now, because the assortment of products available there really is very hard to match anywhere (though they have, regrettably, retired the Flash banner thing that made a trippy New Age gong sound whenever you loaded a page. I miss that).

Life Technology is like Brooklyn Superhero Supply, except Life Technology aren't just trying to encourage imagination.

Mr, or possibly Ms, AURUM SOLIS™ (I think the capitals and trademark symbol are important) decided to favour me with another communiqué on the first of April. Were the message from anybody else, that'd mean it'd be a joke. But not so with AURUM™, who continued our correspondence over the next few days.

The correspondence follows. I bet it'll attract some really spiffy Google ads.

DANIEL THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WHITE POWDER GOLD THERE IS AN ORCHESTRATED CAMPAIGN BY THE POWERS THAT BE TO FRIGHTEN PEOPLE AWAY FROM THIS PRODUCT SCARE STORIES INVOLVE REPTILIAN ALIENS AND ARE OBVIOUSLY FALSE SO DONT LET SUCH NONSENSE PUT YOU OFF FROM FINDING OUT THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT THIS VERY IMPORTANT SUBJECT REMEMBER BRISTOL MYERS SQUIBB RESEARCH PROVED THAT WHITE POWDER GOLD DOES EVERYTHING THAT THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE IS ALLEGED TO HAVE DONE IE REPAIR DNA AND INCREASE LONGEVITY WE WOULD BE HAPPY TO SEND YOU A 1GRAM SAMPLE FREE OF CHARGE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN TRYING THIS THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION DANIEL

AURUM SOLIS™

[And then AURUM™ quoted the content of this blog post. Do feel free to read as much of it as you can handle.]

I remind you that the thing the Philosopher's Stone was most often alleged to do was transmute base metals into gold.

Does white powder gold do that?

The Philosopher's Stone was also, by pseudo-logical extension, commonly alleged to be able to make you immortal. You would not age, and would not sicken for any reason, which implied that you would also be immune not only to ordinary physical diseases, but also to poison and physical attack.

Does white powder gold do that?

Your idea about the magic substance "correcting" anything in one's body that is "incorrect" is entirely in line with what the old-time alchemists said about the Philosopher's Stone. It was their belief that gold was the most perfect of metals (I imagine because they didn't know about the platinum group; platinum was at the time regarded as an unwanted, unmeltable contaminant sometimes found in silver). If they'd known about DNA they'd no doubt say that the mystic Stone would "perfect" that as well.

The tricky bit is defining what "perfect" means. Many diseases, like for instance autoimmune disorders, are the result of normal bodily processes working too well. Every second alternative medicine is supposed to "boost" the immune system; if they actually do that, they should all come with warnings about how they may cause rheumatoid arthritis as a side-effect.

What, in fact, does white powder gold do? Where's this Bristol-Myers Squibb research you allude to - or, indeed, any research that doesn't just ramble on, as you always do, about mystic vibrations and extradimensional harmonic ascension?

If white powder gold has no effects that people who don't believe in it can detect, then it is no more interesting than any of the hundreds of similar potions and religions.

I do enjoy these occasional e-mails from you, though.

DEAR DANIEL DONT BE TAKEN IN BY THE SCEPTICS WE KNOW YOU ARE A GOOD MAN BUT SOMETIMES THE DARK SIDE HAS MISLED YOU ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS YOU ARE A SPIRITUAL BEING LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY BY THE CREATOR AND SINCE BIRTH MATTER IS ALL YOU HAVE KNOWN BUT THERE IS MORE THAN MERELY MATTER LAST NIGHT AFTER I CONSUMED THE WHITE STONE I COMMUNICATED WITH INTELLIGENT BEINGS FROM SHAMBALLA AND I WAS EDUCATED BY THEM IN THE SUBJECT OF THE KUNDALINI ENERGY AND BECOMING AN ASCENDED MASTER. PLEASE SEND YOUR ADDRESS FOR A COMPLIMENTARY FREE SAMPLE.

But how do you know I'm "a good man"? How, if what most humans call external reality is as ephemeral as a ghost, ready to blow away so that you can perceive greater realities when you take your magic potion, do you know that I'm even here at all?

Perhaps I'm a manifestation of the universe, here to enlighten you to yet another layer of reality. Perhaps this whole exchange is purely a figment of your imagination. Once you say that words like "is" and "exists" and "meaning" can have different... meanings... you lose all ability to say, or think, anything about anything.

You said that your product does what the Philosopher's Stone is said to have done. That, first and foremost, means it must turn base metals - classically lead - into gold. Now you say that instead it sends you on some sort of psychedelic spiritual journey. Well, OK, great, but nobody in antiquity said anything about the Philosopher's Stone doing that. It was meant to turn lead into gold, and it was meant to make people immortal. Those are the two big things that the Philosopher's Stone was meant to do.

You said, in as many words, that white powder gold does what the old alchemists said the Philosopher's Stone did. Now you say that it actually doesn't.

If I can expect consumption of this substance to make me as confused as you, I will stay very far away from it, thank you very much.

If your product instead reveals the truth of the universe or some such, then it is a different thing from the Philosopher's Stone. It is also indistinguishable from numerous psychedelic, hallucinogenic and dissociative drugs, none of which show any signs of actually giving their users superhuman powers, or allowing them to figure out things about the mundane world everybody else inhabits that they could not have figured out otherwise. On the contrary, habitual use of powerful consciousness-altering drugs tends to make people much less able to operate in the mundane world.

I do not, of course, actually believe that whatever experiences you have are actually happening to you because of the white powder gold concoction. I think it's likely to have no effect at all, and your own mental peculiarities are what're allowing you to talk to the extradimensional space gods or whatever.

Does everybody who takes white powder gold have the powerful experiences you mention? Or do you have to be a believer already? If you slip some into someone's drink without them knowing, will anything happen to them? Have you tried such a basic test to see whether you're making this all up (on purpose or otherwise)?

http://spiritofmaat.com/mar08/white_powder_gold.html

LINK WHICH PROVES DAVID HUDSON IS TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT WHITE POWDER GOLD

This lengthy ramble is, when it tries to say definite things about chemistry and physics, nonsense. Apart from the frequent use of words which do not exist - many of which I suppose could be the fault of the transcriber - it alleges, if I'm reading it right, that gold likes to hang around in two-atom molecules, like hydrogen, and that the element drastically changes in state if you manage to separate those atoms, becoming your magic potion.

Gold does not in fact form diatomic molecules. At all. The only "metal" that does is hydrogen, which is only metallic in very extreme circumstances. All other metals form metallic bonds between atoms, which can involve any number of molecules; it is also quite easy to separate individual atoms from those bonds, by for instance dissolving a metallic salt in water (giving a solution of ions), or by "sputtering" a piece of the solid metal (giving honest-to-goodness separate atoms flying around separately).

Gold sputtering is used routinely in, for instance, the preparation of samples for viewing under an electron microscope. Individual gold atoms are knocked off a piece of gold, and condense in a super-thin layer on the subject, where they return to their normal polyatomic metallic bonding.

I don't expect you to pay any attention whatsoever to this, because I know that when you talk about "atoms" and "molecules" and just about every other noun used at http://spiritofmaat.com/mar08/white_powder_gold.html, you do not mean the same thing that everybody else means. But I wonder why it is that you think that anybody else would find this "evidence" convincing, since you and your friends do not use the same dictionary as the rest of us.

Does http://spiritofmaat.com/mar08/white_powder_gold.html also comprise your "Bristol-Myers Squibb evidence"? The only mention of the company there is that "over the last four or five years, there is tremendous research going on with precious elements and cancer treatment. The precious elements have been found to inter-react with the cell by a vibrational frequency or by a light transfer to correct the DNA. Any incorrect part of the DNA is corrected by the precious element."

This looks to me, not to put too fine a point on it, like pure fiction. I challenge you to present this "standard literature" talking about "correcting DNA" by "vibrational frequencies".

DEAR DANIEL YES YOU ARE CORRECT IN STATING THAT REALITY IS RELATIVE TO PERCEPTION THAT IS THE KEY ALSO YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WHEN YOU PRAY YOU SHOULD PRAY WITH SINCERITY AND FAITH NOT MERELY HOPE HOPING DENIES THAT YOU ARE GOD AND IN CONTROL OF YOUR CREATION THE STONE DOES NOT INDUCE A PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCE IT BREAKS THE BOND OF DUALITY IE THE ILLUSORY PERCEPTION OF SELF AND OTHER GOD IS IN A STATE OF ONENESS PS THERE IS NO ACTUAL PROOF FOR ANY FACTS EVEN THE BEST EVIDENCE IS RELATIVE TO THE INDIVIDUAL (FLAWED) MIND OF THE OBSERVER THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION DANIEL GOD BLESS YOU

At this point, I gave up on our little chat. I'm sure AURUM™ will have something similarly enlightening to say to me in another year or two, though.

WANTED: People to kick me in the nuts and take my stuff

A certain subset of the Craigslist user base has a well-documented lack of reasoning skills. This may explain why all you have to do to get someone's house completely ransacked by a bunch of freeloaders is post a Craigslist ad that says something like:

"I, John Smith of 123 Acacia Avenue, Chickenmilk, Wisconsin, am aghast about the cancelling of the Bionic Woman TV series, and will be setting myself on fire this afternoon to protest it. So I've no further use for any of my possessions. Come and get them! Everything's free! If the house is locked, just break a window!"

The first time this happened was a year ago. That ad was apparently placed by a disgruntled recently-evicted tenant. The ad only survived for about an hour and a half, but that was long enough to attract plenty of avaricious house-wreckers to thoroughly trash the joint in question.

This second example has a bit more meat to it. Apparently this time the ad was posted by a couple of people who'd stolen some stuff from one Robert Salisbury's house a few days before. Then they decided to cover their tracks with the fake-ad scam, inviting other random people to steal everything else - including a horse, about which the scammers posted a separate ad.

The perpetrators of the Salisbury scam have now been caught. But the only reason that happened was because, with the idiocy so characteristic of the amateur criminal, they used their own highly traceable computer to post the ad.

If I were them, I would have posted the ad from an Internet cafe. Or, for extra evil points, from some poor suburban sucker's open wireless access point. I just checked to see if Craigslist accepts Mailinator addresses - yes, it does!

Malicious ads themselves are not new. The classic example is an ad for a brand new Porsche for only a hundred bucks, allegedly placed by a wife whose husband cheated, or something. Such ads have been filling victims' weekends with phone calls and irate visitors for many years.

If you're posting a malicious ad just about anywhere but Craigslist, though - in the newspaper, for instance, or on eBay - then you'd have to pay for it somehow. That payment can often be traced.

But Craigslist ads are free.

This no doubt accounts for the host of other scams that pop up, however briefly, all over the site.

(I've never actually used Craiglist for anything, so I might have missed something obvious that makes this scam harder to pull off. Tell me in the comments if I have.)

The interesting part about this sort of hoax/scam is that it has two levels of perpetrator. The main perps are the people who post the malicious ad; the secondary perps are the people who then come and take everything, in good faith or not.

I wonder if you could pull off the same scam without using the magic anonymous Internet - by, for instance, sticking flyers on telegraph poles around the neighborhood, or dropping leaflets in letter boxes?

Various commentators have remarked on people reading the Craigslist ad who apparently figured "it's on the Internet, so it must be true"; some of them brought printouts of the ad to wave at poor Mr Salisbury when he was trying to stop them driving off with his belongings.

You're never going to go broke by underestimating the intelligence of Internet users, so I'm quite sure some of those people were entirely sincere. But I think many of the people just figured the ad made a good excuse for what they were doing.