The surprisingly expensive Amish fan heater

Via Consumerist, I found this rather cheeky ad.

Amish fan heater

Click for the whole thing, including reams of text. The Consumerist version of the same image is here.

You can buy one of these "Heat Surge" fireplace-shaped heaters for a mere $US587 (plus extra for optional, but included by default, remote control and extended warranty!) from their main Web site. But if you plough through the advertorial and call before the "order deadline" and do whatever else they say you have to do to get your special claim code and then enter it on this other site, you can get a heater with its special allegedly-made-by-real-Plain-Folk mantel for "just two hundred ninety-eight dollars"!

The Consumerist's ridicule centred around the Photoshoppery visible in all of the images - particularly amusing given the touted Amish connection - and the fact that this "advertorial" is disguised as a real USA Today article.

I concur with their derision. The images, in particular, remind me of the quickie that'll-do pictures you see illustrating Onion articles - not least because The Onion uses much the same layout as USA Today (or possibly vice versa).

But I was also intrigued by the claim that this "work of engineering genius from the China coast" could in some way save you money.

The heater has a quoted "5119 BTU's" (sic) of output. The British Thermal Unit is a measure of energy; BTU ratings for heaters are actually BTU per hour. 5119 BTU is 5,400,831 joules, a joule is a watt-second, 5,400,831 watt-seconds in one hour is almost precisely 1500 watt-hours per hour.

So this thing is a 1500 watt fan heater, with what looks like a less than totally convincing fake-fire effect.

I'm guessing 1500 watts of heater element, plus maybe 50 watts for the fan and lights.

And it "uses less energy than it takes to run a coffee maker"!

Well, if your coffee maker draws more than 1500 watts, then yes. Small domestic "Mr Coffee"-type machines actually usually consume something like 900 to 1200 watts.

And your coffee machine doesn't run at full blast all day.

The vendors of this highly decorated fan heater enjoin you to "leave it on day and night" - which actually isn't a very safe idea for most fan heaters, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt and presume that this big chunky heater won't set the curtains, or itself, on fire if left unattended. If you do run it all day and night, though, then if you're paying ten cents per kilowatt-hour for electricity, it'll cost you three bucks sixty a day to run it.

Over a three-month winter, you'd pay about $US330.

To be fair, the "Saves Money" page of the Heat Surge site clearly tells you how much power the heater consumes (only 750 watts, on "Medium"!), and that it'll cost "about 12 cents an hour" to run at full power, at a presumed eight cents per kilowatt-hour, which isn't much lower than the US average. And their advice about only heating the rooms you're using is sensible enough. But, you know, duh.

This heater would be even cheaper to run, and much easier to move from room to room (a major selling point!) if it didn't have the silly mantelpiece and lit-up fake fire.

And wouldn't you know it - those technological geniuses "from the China coast" have just in the last fifty years or so invented amazing "fan heater" gadgets. You'll be astonished to learn that these devices are much more portable than this large and cumbersome fireplace-shaped device. And they can be purchased at any discount store for, oh, approximately nothing!

Which'll save you enough money to run one all winter.

GreenPower funny numbers

The bunch of shady individuals who resell electricity to us (no, not these dudes - "Jackgreen", who're no better if you ask me) saw fit today to provide us with a cheery note telling us that, as of next year, we will automatically be supplied with "10% accredited" GreenPower!

GreenPower is, according to the Australian Government Web site all about it, new renewable energy. Not just the hydro-electric power that Australia's had since the Seventies; an actual replacement for the vast amounts of almost entirely coal-fired electricity (some of it the particularly filthy brown-coal-fired type...) that keeps the rest of Australia's lights on.

We have, Jackgreen excitedly added, the option of upgrading to 25%, 50% or one hundred per cent "accredited" GreenPower, for an extra fee, if we like.

Gee! Doesn't that sound great!

The GreenPower Accreditation program has actually been around for more than ten years now, as I discovered when I read the absolutely riveting 2006 GreenPower Annual Compliance Audit (PDF).

I felt obliged to plunge into this sizeable document because, on the face of it, the GreenPower numbers didn't seem to add up.

And the more I learned, the more confusing it became.

The thing that originally puzzled me is that the 25, 50 and 100% GreenPower rates from Jackgreen will cost us $AU1.10, $AU2.20 and $AU4.40 a week, respectively.

That's it.

A flat rate.

Whether your house's total electricity budget comprises two night-lights and a transistor radio, or five thousand marijuana plants thriving under fifty kilowatts of metal halide illumination, you pay a flat rate extra to have all of your electricity "greened".

I know it's a flat rate just by looking at the Jackgreen page that lists all three GreenPower options. The Product Disclosure Statement (PDF) makes perfectly clear that the actual tariffs for each level of GreenPower, not counting the extra weekly fee, are exactly the same!

(I also particularly like the significant "Daily Availability Payments" that apply across the board. Here in Katoomba there's about one brief blackout a week, and at least one longer one a month. "Why, when that happens they must refund the Availability Payment for the affected day," I hear you say! Alas, no.)

The Compliance Audit document tells me that GreenPower can be sold by the kilowatt-hour like normal electricity, or bought to match the amount of electricity you're drawing from some other supplier that (presumably) doesn't subscribe to the GreenPower scheme, or sold as a "consumption based product whereby customers nominate the level of GreenPower purchased according to a nominated percentage of their total electricity consumption".

That last one would appear to be what the schemes we're being offered are. But we're obviously not, in any economically meaningful way, "purchasing" a nominated percentage of GreenPower if we don't pay more, to account for that more-expensively-generated percentage, when we consume more bloody power.

This seems to be the most obvious thing in the world to me, but it nonetheless appears to have sailed right past the Government, who say on the GreenPower site that "you can buy 100% GreenPower for approximately $5.50 extra per week".

Except no you bloody can't, unless you just arbitrarily define "GreenPower" as "NotActuallyGreenInAnyWayPower".

Which, more rooting around in the document eventually made clear to me, seems to be what they've done.

Working my way on through the Compliance Audit, I hit the all-important Rules of the Program, which say that GreenPower providers must "source all generation included in a GreenPower product from GreenPower approved sources" and, as of half way through 2006, "source 100 per cent of accredited GreenPower sales from 'new' GreenPower generation". "New" is defined to mean "any generator built or commissioned after 1 January 1997 that is GreenPower approved".

This is, therefore, pretty straightforward. When you buy 100% GreenPower, you really do have to get 100% GreenPower, not as much GreenPower as your electricity dealer has to sell you, followed by ordinary, um, BrownPower. It doesn't mean that someone's going to send special green electrons to your house from a generator powered by kitten purrs, but if you order 100% GreenPower, however much power you draw really and truly should be sent into the grid, somewhere, by a new and shiny renewable source of some description.

But now we strike a problem.

Apparently nearly eight per cent of Australia's electricity comes from renewable sources at the moment, but that's including the old Snowy Mountain hydroelectric system, whose peak capacity is the thick end of four gigawatts but which doesn't run at anything like full capacity most of the time.

Take the Snowy system out of the picture - which you should for GreenPower calculations, since the rules forbid GreenPower providers to just sell that hydroelectric power - and you've got a magnificent 1.5% of our total consumption left over.

That is, at the very most, the sum total achievement of ten freakin' years of this GreenPower initiative. And a significant portion of the 1.5% doesn't qualify as GreenPower anyway, as we'll see in a moment.

At this rate, we might make it to 50% renewable energy in as little as three hundred years!

But right now, it's obvious that if any significant number of people sign up for any significant amount of GreenPower, the amount of genuine two-words-no-capital-letters green power available will be exhausted rapidly.

This was the point where the light dawned upon me, and I theorised that the government must have just shifted the goalposts and, themselves, allowed "GreenPower approved" generators to include a whole lot of... other... sources of electricity.

I was led to believe that there was some straightforward old fashioned lyin' coming up by the delightful discovery in section 2.1.4 of the 2006 Compliance Audit that "GreenPower providers are required to reduce emissions ... to 5 per cent below 1990 per capita emission levels, equivalent to 7.27 tonnes per capita by 2007" (emphasis mine).

Well, here we are at the end of 2007, and Australia as a whole hasn't quite done that.

What Australia's actually done - and yes, we should be very proud - is top the world in per capita power generation carbon emissions, with a magnificent 226 million tons emitted this year, about 10.7 tonnes per capita.

This is hardly surprising, since Australia is as crazy for air conditioning and plasma TVs as the USA (who are currently managing a mere 9.2 or so tons per capita), but we don't have any nuclear power at all.

Now, GreenPower's approved providers presumably do emit relatively little carbon per customer. But since there isn't nearly enough genuinely green power to sell to customers - as we'll see - I wouldn't be at all surprised if the actual per capita electricity-related CO2 output of GreenPower customers was only a hair below the national average. There's no way it's actually lower than 1990 levels.

So I was thinking that if they don't mind about that particular huge miss, they wouldn't mind a similarly bold declaration that GreenPower and BlackPower could be the same thing... from a certain point of view.

But in section 2.1.5, they define a "green" electricity generator as "an electricity generator that results in a greenhouse gas emission reduction and net environmental benefits; is based primarily on a renewable energy resource; and complies with the guidelines in the National GreenPower Program Accreditation Document".

Which would appear to rule out the source of 93-odd per cent of Australia's power. You just can't use that definition and simultaneously allow GreenPower purchasers to actually be sent regular power.

Flick on through to section 2.4, and you find that total GreenPower sales for 2006 add up to 802,417 megawatt-hours.

That sounds like a lot. And it is - you'd have to run a thousand-horsepower engine for 123 years to make that much energy.

But Australia's total electricity consumption is up around 200,000 gigawatt-hours per year.

So total GreenPower sales for 2006 were about 0.4% of Australia's total electricity budget.

Or one two hundred and fiftieth, if you prefer.

The Compliance Audit says there were 391,403 customers - 373925 residential, 17478 commercial. If you assume they're all on 100% GreenPower and they all get an equal share of the available power, that's a grand total of 2.15 megawatt-hours per customer per year.

This actually distorts the situation - a graph in section 2.6 of the Compliance Audit makes clear that sales to commercial customers were far higher per customer, as you'd expect. But let's run with the straight average for a moment.

An average US or Australian household is likely to consume around eight to twelve megawatt-hours per year. So the total current GreenPower sales are only enough to supply the current customer base for, oh, two or three months of the year they've paid for.

This is reflected in the fact that section 2.4, before it tells you that 802,417MWh of GreenPower were sold in 2006, tells you that 3,889,200MWh of GreenPower were purchased.

This threw me for something of a loop. I've read over it several times. I'm doing my best to figure out what it means. If anybody knows better, do please fill me in (or just post a comment below).

The sold/purchased discrepancy is an unusual situation. Not often do the books of a business - well, of an honest business, anyway - tell you that 4.8 times as many Acme Widgets were purchased by customers as were sold by Acme.

But here in the world of GreenPower, "product providers" certainly can buy way more power than they actually sell.

There's some sort of certificate system involved too, but it's not related to any actual consumer reality, because of that weird connected-to-nothing tiny flat rate I mentioned way up at the top of this post. I presume there are government subsidies involved as well - so, in the end, everybody's paying for this scheme whether they pay the flat fee or not - but fat chance of finding any mention of those on the GreenPower Web site.

Aaaaaanyway, the factor-of-4.8 difference between GreenPower purchased and GreenPower sold quite neatly increases the 2.15 megawatt-hours per customer to about 10.4MWh. That lines up much better with a plausible figure for actual average demand from all of those GreenPower "users". If everybody was on a 100% GreenPower contract then it'd be too low to account for the electricity-hungry commercial customers, but I'm sure there are lots of 25% and 50% contracts in there pulling down the average order size.

So it seems to me that this really is the deal. The government goes through all of this rigmarole of officially approving GreenPower suppliers, tra la, and allows customers to sign up for the suspiciously-cheap "100% GreenPower" and receive faithful assurances that this means their electricity supplier is "purchasing" exactly as much GreenPower as the customer uses.

And then in their official audit report they just whiz right over the trivial detail that 79% of the item being purchased does not, if you want to be boringly picky about it, exist.

And then in section 2.7, you can hear them giggling as they give every single GreenPower provider the maximum five-star rating for honesty in every kind of marketing they conduct!

Awesome marketing rating

Step right up, folks! Everyone wins a prize!

Any new GreenPower drive that causes market growth to exceed the growth of the actual GreenPower generation capacity will, of course, only make the ratio of power purchased to power sold even worse. And it's not as if all of those extra customers will be bringing billions of dollars with them that'll make GreenPower more real than it currently is. Each new customer, wanting ten-odd megawatt-hours of environmentally friendly power a year, will be (directly) paying at most $AU286 to help make that happen.

You could realistically expect a big old 1.5-megawatt wind turbine to be able to produce about 4000 megawatt-hours of power per year. It'd be more than 13,000MWh if the thing ran at full power all the time, but the capacity factor of wind generators - the fraction of the time, on average, that they can operate at their rated power - is lousy, down around 30%.

But 4000MWh in a year, ignoring storage and distribution, is still enough to run 400 ten-megawatt-hour-per-year households.

If all you're getting from those households is 400 times $AU286 per year, though - $AU114,400 - it'll be a bit of a while before you can afford that turbine. A 1.5MW turbine will set you back at least a couple of million US dollars, and its upkeep ain't free either.

So, if the extra GreenPower rate is all you have to spend, it'll be twenty years before you can even buy that one darn turbine. And then it's probably going to wear out in thirty years, tops - whereupon, given what you paid to run it in the meantime, you may just about be able to afford a replacement. Whoopee.

Page 3-2 of the Compliance Audit finally dropped a tantalising hint about what is to be done if "there is a shortfall of valid claims for new GreenPower purchases to satisfy new generation requirements for sales of a GreenPower product", and directed me to the even more fascinating National GreenPower Accreditation Program Accreditation Document (PDF).

Therein, I found the straight-faced statement that purchases and sales are required, as they would be in a sane system, to be equalised after some reasonable period of time.

In the staggering situation that this turns out to be impossible - as, I'm willing to bet, it has been for pretty much the entire existence of the GreenPower program - GreenPower Providers are directed to make up the difference with non-"new" GreenPower sources (of which there are nowhere near enough), and are then allowed a five per cent "shortfall" on energy sales (still not nearly enough to fill the gap), and are then directed to "rectify the shortfall via credits/rebates to affected GreenPower Customers".

And if they don't do that, they can have their oh-so-precious GreenPower accreditation revoked.

I can find no evidence that any credits or rebates have ever been given to anyone, or that any GreenPower providers have been taken to task about it. Since their job is self-evidently impossible, I suppose it'd be a bit unfair to make them give back the money that's supposed, however feebly, to be priming the renewable energy pump. But this still seems to make an absolute nonsense of all these po-faced rules by which everybody says they're abiding.

As it stands, the GreenPower system seems to me to be a facade. At a glance, it looks great - but if you pay a bit more attention, the green-ness turns out to be only skin deep.

I suppose we should be grateful that there are at least (apparently) honest numbers in the public documents, and it's not all a total cover-up. But that doesn't excuse the fact that the whole scheme is basically a sham. And it certainly doesn't make it OK for a genuinely progressive environmentalist political party like The Greens to just go along with the pretense, using GreenPower as a political playing card along with all of the other issues-that-mean-the-opposite-of-what-they-seem-to.

I can't help feeling that I must have missed something very serious, here. But it's not just a couple of numbers in the Compliance Audit that touched this all off - it's the small flat rate, the well-known lack of any serious new renewable energy generation capacity in the country, and the glib insistence from all of the electricity resellers that you can just tick the box, pay the few bucks a week, and be carbon-neutral just like that.

Has anybody else noticed this? Is there something more to it that I've failed to understand?

SOLD, to the drunk gentleman who thinks he's Stavros Niarchos!

I had no idea that they ran art auctions on cruise ships. This Consumerama piece (via Consumerist) on the subject would be hilarious even if it weren't for the description of the rules under which the auctions are run as "coordinated inebriated sales hysteria".

Transactions conducted in international waters are, you see, unlikely to be subject to the consumer protection laws of any nation. And cruise ship passengers may think they're refined and distinguished, but no such test is actually applied before they let you on board. And then, there's the free booze at the auctions.

Hence: Factor-of-ten markups on all sorts of old tat.

About all you can hope for is that the untrained, unlicensed "auctioneers" won't actually know all of the standard scam techniques (another Consumerama piece, also via Consumerist).

I believe Scrooge McDuck actually did it first

This Metafilter post tipped me off to the existence of Brawndo Big Ox Canned Oxygen.

It's pretty awesome.

(Similar products are apparently quite popular in Japan, where the educational system clearly doesn't work as well as we've been told.)

The Big Ox sales spiel says "Because of increased pollution and the continued destruction of our forests, you might not always be getting the oxygen you need for your active lifestyle."

This is what us professionals refer to as hogwash.

If atmospheric oxygen levels had actually significantly dropped - to, say, 15% oxygen by volume from the roughly 21% that's normal - you'd notice. That'd make it as hard to get oxygen into your system at sea level as it currently is at 9000 feet.

Fortunately, the claim is nonsense. Normal atmospheric gases in relatively unpolluted Western nations provide just as good a breathing mixture as was around in the olden days of human history. CO2 levels have not increased (and are not projected to increase) enough to make any difference to respiration, and oxygen levels have been stable for the whole of human existence.

And, furthermore, the capacity of these low-pressure oxygen spraycans is laughably small.

The biggest can Big Ox sells is specified as 4.4 grams of gas. That'll cost you $US124.99 for a 12-pack.

At sea level and 25 degrees Celsius, 24.8 litres of oxygen weighs 32 grams. So 4.4 grams of it (assuming the can weight specification is 100% O2 and they're not counting the 11% of other gases they say are in there) will be about 3.4 litres.

A normal breath is about one litre. When you're breathing hard because you're the kind of Xtreme Super Athlete who needs to buy air in a can, you could easily be moving more than two litres per breath.

So one of these $US10.42 cans will give you enough oxygen for four shallow breaths, or less than two deep ones. Maybe only one.

You could make the can last a lot longer by just sniffing it like a whiteboard marker from time to time, but the effect would of course approach zero as the can life approached... a few minutes.

Proper high-pressure medical oxygen cylinders, in contrast, can actually provide enough oxygen to seriously supplement someone's breathing for at least half an hour, even for the little ones that only weigh about a kilo in total. You could buy $75 medical cylinders and throw them away after using them, not even bothering to get refills, and still be paying a thirtieth as much as this stupid Big Ox stuff costs. Buy bigger cylinders and get refills and the price difference becomes a factor of several hundred, at the very least.

Bottled water is moronic and wasteful, but at least a litre of stupid water from Fiji is just as good as a litre of water from the tap. A case of Perrier could save your life if you were stranded in the outback.

A case of Big Ox, in contrast, will make about as much difference to the life of an athlete, clubgoer or person stuck on a frozen airless planet as a teaspoon of water would to someone lost in the desert.

IT conspiracy theory of the week

When I originally wrote, and then republished on Dan's Data, my Ground Zero column about hard drives wearing out, I was puzzled by something.

The famous Google study (PDF) of a large population of hard drives found, oddly, that the Self-Monitoring, Analysis, and Reporting Technology (not dreadfully helpfully abbreviated "S.M.A.R.T.") that's built into all modern hard drives was pretty much useless for its intended purpose. It just doesn't often tell you when a drive is on the way out and should be replaced.

Any drive that's been in service for a couple of years will have a couple of S.M.A.R.T. warning flags thanks to the basic hour counters built into the standard. Those warnings, by themselves, don't mean much at all. But despite those largely useless warnings that all older drives have, 36% of the drives that failed in the Google study had no warnings at all!

Technically, S.M.A.R.T. should work much better than this. The drive controller board knows when it has to repeatedly retry reads or writes, for instance; that's the most basic kind of ominous error. S.M.A.R.T. is just a standardised interface to allow drives to tell monitoring software how often stuff like that is happening.

And yet, very often, no such report happens.

S.M.A.R.T. monitoring isn't completely useless; a drive that actually does report any of the more serious S.M.A.R.T. problems should indeed be replaced. So you should still run some S.M.A.R.T. monitoring utility or other.

But, usually, a drive with serious S.M.A.R.T. errors is a drive that you're already carrying out to the shooting range. By the time the monitoring software reports an error, you've already lost data.

I didn't know why this was.

Now, however, I've got a clue, and I've added a piece to the Ground Zero column to mention it.

This Slashdot comment led me to this Usenet post from (someone who says he is) a former Seagate engineer. He alleges that the hard drive manufacturers' marketing departments just overruled the engineers and made them, in essence, secretly turn off S.M.A.R.T.'s early warning features, to make the drives look more reliable.

Until those drives failed without warning, of course.

But until that happened, they looked super-reliable!

I don't know whether this is actually true, but it sure does fit the evidence.

Great work, marketroids!

Regular readers may have noticed a certain animosity, on my part, towards the hard-working graduates of the world's many fine advertising and marketing schools.

Damn straight.

Posted in Scams. 7 Comments »

They tested the wrong guy

Fortunately, I found out about the "Beat the Lie Detector" secondary story in the most recent episode of MythBusters before I watched it. So I knew to fast-forward through the lie detector story and just watch the other one.

This was entirely for the sake of my health. There's no way I could watch someone claiming that polygraphs are "80% to about 99% accurate", and then see a screen shot of software saying "Probability of Deception is Greater Than .99", without dangerously elevating my own metabolic markers.

(But yes, I've skimmed through the lie detector story now, just to make sure the complaints are valid. They are.)

The icing on the cake is the fact that the person making the "80 to 99%" claim, and later administering the polygraph tests, was "Doctor" Michael Martin. Who, apparently, bought his doctorate from a diploma mill.

You certainly don't need university qualifications to be knowledgeable about a subject, but fake degrees are anti-qualifications. Nobody who bought a diploma to make themselves look qualified in an area should be believed about anything, until they say they're sorry and take the unearned honorifics off their business card.

In reality, it is arguable that the polygraph is not entirely useless. (This may set some sort of record for damning with faint praise.)

The polygraph looks especially good if you, unfairly, count the cases in which it's used merely as an intimidation device to trick a guilty person into confessing. Wen Ho Lee, for instance, passed his polygraph test with flying colours - but that was no problem for the Feds, who just said he'd failed. It's like police interrogators telling a suspect that their buddy has already confessed, when no such thing has actually happened.

Contrary to not-a-real-doctor Michael Martin's statement, the polygraph's history is one big losing streak. Nobody's ever actually been able to demonstrate, in proper controlled tests, that the darn thing is actually worth using. Not that many governments or corporations seem to listen when the National Academies of Science tell them as much.

The NAS actually concluded that, although the polygraph is the best lie-detection device created so far, it's still worse than useless, thanks to its high false-positive rate. The essential randomness of the polygraphic process means that although it certainly is possible to "beat" a polygraph test, there are no guarantees; no matter how innocent you look (because you know the tricks, or because you really are innocent), the polygraph operator may still decide you're guilty.

The popular conception that a polygraph actually does "detect lies" in any straightforward sense is entirely wrong. An honest TV show should make this clear, and not give air time to someone who proudly states the opposite, whether or not that person has valid qualifications.

As psycho-quackery goes, the polygraph is a long way behind the real horror stories (like the lobotomy craze, for instance). But it still very royally deserves an "anti" Web site.

MythBusters genuinely does make an effort to get things right, which makes them almost unique in the "reality TV" field, and quite unlike certain other shows in their own niche.

This time, though, they appear to have dropped the ball very seriously indeed.

This isn't just a procedural error, oversimplification or scientific mistake on the level of getting the shape of a raindrop or the principles of operation of a wing wrong. It's a big ol' slab of prime-time bullshit.

A link request from Spider-Man

Date: Tue, 4 Dec 2007 05:28:52 -0500 (EST)
Subject: Link Exchange Request
From: webmaster@creditreportkey.com
To: [my domain-registration contact address]

Hello buddy ,

Quality sites need to link together.. don’t you agree? I can give you a
high quality content page link from my site
(http://www.creditreportkey.com). In addition both our sites are
vertically related. I am sure you are aware of content page link plays a
major role in SEO.

Kindly add my link in your content pages other than the links page.your
site is a quality site hence I need a content link from your website.

If you said yes, then I need your link text and URL to get this started.If
no,I am really sorry to have been a disturbance.I promise,this will not
repeat.

We also offer free download of xp icons in our website. I hope this will
also be useful to you.

Link Title : Credit Report Key
Link Url : http://www.creditreportkey.com/

Awaiting for your word,
Peter parker

Wow - "free download of xp icons" from a site that also offers you the never-to-be-repeated opportunity to pay money for free credit reports and bogus credit repair services?

Why would anybody in the world ever need to visit any OTHER site?!

I'll link to nobody else, from now on!

(And don't worry, Peter - your super-secret's safe with me!)

And what's the deal with the "vertically related" part, anyway? The business-jargon usage of "vertical" is supposed to mean every stage of a business from production to distribution, hence the concept of vertical integration; "vertically related" businesses would be, say, a flour factory and a bakery. The word seems to have turned into cant, though; now it just means "stuff that's related to other stuff". So you get ad agencies spouting things like "high bidded content in your vertical", as if their purpose were not to actually communicate an idea but just to win a game of Scrabble.

The above missive arrived right next to this other magnificent creation:

From: Stephen <hotescortreviews@gmail.com>
To: dan@dansdata.com
Subject: I would like to exchange links with your site
Date: Tue, 4 Dec 2007 0:38:42 -0800

Dansdata, [I do love that personal touch!]

I visited your site today, and I enjoy the information your provide. I
run an adult site similar to yours, and I was wondering if you would
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I feel our sites are closely related in topic, and a link exchange
would benefit us both. My website also has a page rank of 2.

If you exchange links with me, I will list you on my site. I can put
your banner/link on my directory page
here:http://www.hotescortreviews.com/HERDirectory.html, and I can put
you in a category which is related to your site. Our site is gaining
more visitors by the week, and getting your link on my site guarantees
you future traffic and customers, which increases your bottom line.

Please let me know if you have any questions or comments. If you wish
to add my link, you can add the HTML code below to your site:

[link code redacted]

If you would prefer to exchange banners, you can find my banner on this
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click on it and download.

Best regards,

Stephen

Posted in Scams, Spam. 9 Comments »

Fake amp ratings never go out of style

A reader brought to my attention the Pioneer HTS-GS1 surround sound system for Xbox 360. It is, apparently, a passable but not fantastic speaker system. But fun is to be found in its specifications.

As I've explored before, consumer speaker systems often have highly inflated power numbers, becuase Joe Average reckons a "500W" system must be better than a "50W" one.

It doesn't actually really matter much what the power rating of a given speaker system is, since most listening even with inefficient speakers is done at only a few watts per channel, and ten times the power only sounds twice as loud. But the marketability of big power numbers has produced various perversions of this reasonably straightforward concept.

The Federal Trade Commission tried to apply the brakes at one point, giving rise to the interesting notion of "FTC watts". The honest wattage description - which the FTC tried to get people to use - was the root-mean-square or "RMS" watt. And then there are others, of variable reliability.

This old chestnut was brought to my attention again by the specs for the HTS-GS1. It's got front, centre and surround speakers which each, as is normal for cheap "home theatre in a box" setups, contain a single small widerange driver - a three incher, in this case. There's also a single subwoofer driver, about six inches in diameter.

The drivers together, if they were unusually beefy with big heavy magnet assemblies, might all together be able to handle a total of 150 watts (with a frequency response of maybe 70Hz to 14kHz). Realistically, something like 50 watts is as much amplifier as you'd be likely to ever need for such a setup.

Pioneer, shamelessly, say the system delivers "600 watts RMS".

(...and 25Hz to 20kHz, of course.)

Then they say OK, we know you wouldn't believe that, and go on to give an "FTC Output Rating" of "155 Watts Total System Power".

(They don't actually have that on the pioneerelectronics.com specs page, which is chiefly notable for its complete lack of any real specifications. But you can find it in the specs on various other pages, like here.)

I, being just plain mean, downloaded the manual (if you'd like to do the same then you'll need to "register", but nonsense data is fine; you don't even need a live e-mail address).

Within, I found this:

Dodgy specifications

There are those two power ratings again, broken down by channel... but what's that below, under "Power requirements"?

Only 41 watts?!

Glory be, it's a miracle! This speaker system can output 3.78 times as many absolutely genuine FTC-certified Super Muscular All-American Watts as it takes to run it!

Quick, someone hook up arrays of HTS-GS1s to the power grid! The world's energy problems are solved!

Don't reward this kind of crap by buying these products.

No system-in-a-box with small single-driver main speakers and a six-inch sub is ever going to sound very good. It may be easy to set up, but you're paying for a bunch of portable radio speakers plus one tuned-for-muddy-thumps mid-bass driver.

Far better to buy a modest stereo amplifier and a couple of decent bookshelf speakers. That'll give you reasonable sound from in front of you, which in my opinion is far better than crap coming at you from all directions.

I don't mean to single out Pioneer in particular here, either. Every system-in-a-box that looks like this, whether it's made for a game console or for a home theatre, is going to be just about as bad.

If you only pay $US75 or something for the whole setup then it may be tolerable, for games at least. But even then, I'd rather spend the same money on stereo gear from a garage sale.

Even if that gear doesn't promise to make power out of nothing.