Here we go again

Today's stock-spam, which may well be more from SpamThru, is all promoting Cana Petroleum (CNPM).

As usual, the spam comes from randomname@randomdomain, but the subject line for every single one of 'em is now "It's [name] :)".

Thus far, I have received these messages from "Alberto", "Bernadette", "Bradly", "Donnie", "Elbert", "Erich", "Erin", "Floyd", "Fred", "Freddie", "Isidro", "Kent", "Lesley", "Lester", "Marty", "Maryanne", "Natasha", "Patrica", "Rita", "Santos", "Tom" and "Wilmer". They're still coming in as I write this.

(I wonder what name list they're using?)

As I've mentioned before, scams like this only work if your marks receive only one message. If they get dozens of similar but different ones, they're likely to think it's just a little fishy.

I suspect this may be happening because SpamThru (or whatever other system is sending this) is unable to coordinate its behaviour enough to make sure that only one zombie sends a given message to a given address.

Dueling spam-germs

The stock spam I mentioned here and here comes, it turns out, from a botnet created by the rather interesting "SpamThru" trojan, which is equipped with a stolen chunk of antivirus code that's meant to get rid of competing malware on the victims' computers.

So different pieces of malware are now fighting over computers. I think this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's possible that we'll end up with waves of well-engineered malware sweeping over the world's unsecured computers doing Bad Thing A one week and Bad Thing B the next, of course; the only solution is proper security from the top down, but you can forget about Microsoft making that happen in the Wintel world at any point in the near future.

But it's also possible that whatever malware manages to compete best in any given week will be less harmful - to the unsecured computer, and to the rest of the world - than whatever it replaces.

Since malware writers are usually crappy programmers, it is eminently possible that we'll see a significant amount of malware that successfully kills previous infestations, but then does nothing much at all.

Also awaiting Humperdinck Q. Watermelon

Today, I have received spams promoting the "Vega Stock Forecast" from from "Chambermaids F. Physicking", "Prearranging J. Jazzing", "Disgraces H. Hindrances" and "Commemorate T. Schick". Regrettably, however, "Zest E. Scrotum" has not yet deigned to contact me.

(If you actually follow any of the links from the spams I got or the one archived there, though, you end up on a site that's trying to sell you Viagra, not Vega. These people need to get their stories straight.)

Today's link-exchange spams

I remember when Lycos was the Web search engine of choice. I remember Excite, Infoseek, Inktomi, Northern Light and AltaVista. And I remember that none of those early search engines were terribly good, and the total page count on the Web wasn't that huge back then. And so people's "Links" pages were of real value when you wanted to find interesting and/or useful stuff on the Web.

Today, of course, nearly all of the Web's Links pages are just Google PageRank scams, promoted by unsolicited e-mail. They do a search for keywords, they find contact addresses for the (usually hilariously irrelevant) pages they find, they send off link-exchange spam.

I get a lot of that stuff.

Today, in quick succession, the following two showed up.

First, the less funny one:

From: Rodney Thomas
Subject: Can We Exchange Links!!!
Date: Mon, 6 Nov 2006 1:59:21 -0500

Hello, My name is Rodney Thomas. I have visited your site http://www.dansdata.com/personal/quacks2.htm and found it to be a great resource for our visitors. I would like to add a link to your website, to our. Would this be possible? If so, please add our link to your website and tell us the location you have added our link. I hope to hear from you very soon!!!

P.S. If you would like to view our site click here: http://www.dontforgettotakeyourvitamins.com/[his affiliate number]

Thanks

Wow, "The Greatest Vitamin In The World"?! How could I lose?

Oh, that's right, because it's a great big scam, that's how.

The FDA's only warned them to knock it off twice, though (direct PDF links: here and here), so I suppose The Greatest Vitamin is actually quite a good product, by multi-level-marketed-dietary-supplement standards. You'd still think they'd spend five seconds to see whether the content of the page that tripped their auto-spam software suggested that they were about to e-mail someone who would in return publicise them, specifically, Rodney Thomas, Greatest Vitamin affiliate #1523, as an assistant in a well-known and despicable scam who deserves to contract an ironic disease.

On to the funny one:

From: Deck Tiles Wholesale
Subject: Reciprocal Link Exchange Request
Date: Mon, 6 Nov 2006 00:51:33 -0500 (EST)

Dear owner of http://www.dansdata.com/deck.htm [a review of a keyboard]

I'm the webmaster of http://www.decktiles.org [not about keyboards].

We came across your site on the Internet and feel that it would fit
perfectly into our collection of quality software-related links at
http://www.decktiles.org.

The Google PR of this site is currently .

We've already placed a link to your web site along with a description
at our site on the http://www.decktiles.org/links-exterior-flooring5.html page,
which we encourage you to check for accuracy.

We'd appreciate it if you place a link back to our site using the
following HTML code (just copy and paste it into your links page):

[blah blah blah]

If you'd like the description of your site modified, the category
changed, or if you have any other cross-promotion ideas, feel free to
email us.

Please note that if you don't place a reciprocal link to us somewhere
on your site within a week, the link to your site will automatically
be removed from our directory. Please link to us using the code above,
and let us know where we can find the link.

Best regards,
Deck Tiles Wholesale
vifahwholesale@gmail.com

This is NOT SPAM -- this is a one-time reciprocal link request. We
have NO INTENTION to email you again. You can also reply to this email
with REMOVE in the subject line to make sure we'll NEVER send you any
more e-mails in the future.

-----------------------------------
Powered with LinkAssistant SEO Tool
http://www.link-assistant.com/
-----------------------------------

So much fun to be had, here.

Start with the fact that this doofus has made the standard link-exchange relevance error, which you can see in full flight on the page on which he so proudly put my link. I share real estate there with cruise-liner deck plans, the observation deck on Seattle's Smith Tower, tarot decks, fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Why? Look at their URL!), little toy skateboards... and one site that's actually about the same kind of deck which actually interests this twerp.

I suppose he's annoyed all of those people, and all of the others on the link pages before and after, with similar e-mails. Which are a one time mailing, and you can also opt out of receiving more (kettle logic!).

If you run a perfectly legitimate business, and some slick salesman or consultant has come along and promised you $$$ if you buy some Search Engine Optimisation package that's supposed to make you the number 1 Google hit for most of the words in the dictionary, please send said carpetbagger on his way, or you're going to end up doing this sort of thing too.

I don't know whether this ham-fisted mess of an e-mail is actually a fair indication of the quality of the "LinkAssistant" software, by the way. LinkAssistant is billed as "The Most Effective SEO Tool", which I suspect to be an overstatement, but the particular awfulness of this message is probably a Garbage In, Garbage Out situation. Apart from failing to vet the list of people LinkAssistant was about to spam on his behalf (I presume it allows you to do that...), this schmuck has used the default settings and a standard form letter, but failed to fill in the little box for the Google PageRank of his site (currently a magnificent zero... maybe that's why there's a blank there), or select something more from the Category menu other than "Software", because that's not the business he's in.

Oh, and he hasn't even bothered to make a link from his front page to his oh-so-terrific links pages, thereby ensuring that the only people who'll ever see them are people he's just spammed about them. Slick.

It's just barely possible that link-exchange schemes can actually provide some benefit to site owners, even in this modern age of, y'know, search engines that work.

But if you assume a piece of "only $149.95!" software can mystically discern, all by itself, the difference between the "deck" you sell and how it differs from every other "deck" in the world, then the result is going to make you look like a bit of a deck.

Posted in Scams, Spam. 2 Comments »

Flobble bobble blop

On the subject of bogus Who's Who scams, I have just become aware of the existence of the conceptually similar National Library of Poetry.

(Hence the title quote.)

He never replied

From: "John M. Lantier"
To: "Dan Brisebois"
Subject: Dan, are you available 11/13?
Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 05:55:28 -0700

Dan, hope you are well. Because of your key position, I would like you to
join us at the Boston Leaders Forum. It will be Nov. 13 at the Boston
Harbor Hotel. Details are at www.bostonleaders.org

Speakers and honorees include the CEOs of Iron Mountain, iRobot and
Benchmark. Many of Boston's top executives will be attending. This year
we also welcome a former Top Gun pilot and one of America's top experts
on leadership who will be discussing visionary ideas on developing your
team and strategy.

The meeting will be held from 9 to 4, with lunch included, and we
encourage you to invite other managers. We expect to be completely
booked, so please take a moment to view the details on the site now.
Thanks and we hope to see you there.

Regards,
John Lantier
Boston Leaders Summit
31 St. James Ave., Suite 1
Reply if you wish no further emails
Boston, MA 02116
www.bostonleaders.org

My reply:

Wow, that's great! I'm so glad that the fact that I've lived my entire life seventeen thousand kilometres away from Boston has in no way affected your appreciation of my "key position"!

I'll be needing at least a Business Class ticket, of course, and a suite at some unpretentious four star place for the week will be fine.

Wire me the money, and I'll be happy to see you at what I'm sure will be a convention every bit as well organised as your mailing list.

No reply yet. Darn.

I don't know who the "Dan Brisebois" that John meant to send this to is. Maybe a Canadian music critic, but I hope that Dan will forgive this Dan for saying that he doesn't really sound like a "Leaders Forum" (or is it "Leaders Summit"? And shouldn't there be an apostrophe somewhere?) kind of dude, either.

Of course, he actually is. Anybody with enough money for a ticket is. The actual reason for the existence of these sorts of shindigs is the same one that explains the plethora of off-brand Who's Who books; people like to be flattered, and will give you money if you make them feel important.

Invite people to a conference where a fighter pilot will make them feel manly and "leadership experts" will make them feel all pumped up and energised and, with any luck, they'll come back next year. Especially if they're executive drones who can con their company into expensing the whole thing as invaluable training.

Oh no! We're selling too many magazines!

Years ago, I used to hold a fancy-sounding rank in a very small publishing company. I was the Assistant Editor of Australian Commodore and Amiga Review (which later became just Australian Amiga Review), and Australian PC Review, and Australian Multimedia and Desktop Video.

Given that the editorial staff of those magazines consisted of (a) the editor and (b) me, my job title wasn't actually that big of a deal. But working in a teeny-tiny publishing company certainly does acquaint you very firmly with the strange economics of the paper publishing industry.

People keep banging on about how much better Web publishing is than paper publishing because of immediacy and feedback and editability and lack of arbitrary article size limits and blah blah blah. All of that is true, but Web publishing would be worth doing even if it didn't have any of those other advantages, especially compared with the magazine arm of paper publishing. That's because magazine publishers usually destroy more than half of what they print.

No, seriously. They do.

An ordinary newsstand magazine, you see, is printed at great expense in a huge and impressive building somewhere and then distributed, at similarly great expense, to all of the newsstands. The idea is to put, on each newsstand, the exact number of magazines that people are actually going to want to buy from that venue.

Except, of course, you have very close to no idea how many magazines a given newsstand is actually going to sell.

Your distribution company will have a vague idea, and they may even be kind enough to tell you what that idea is. But sale numbers vary widely all the time, because people who definitely want the magazine every week/month/whatever will probably subscribe (more about that in a moment). So newsstand sales are, usually, unpredictable.

The worst-case scenario for a publisher is that a particular newsstand has plenty of visitors who'd like to buy your magazine, but you didn't send enough there. Your mag sells out in the first day, and all subsequent customers get annoyed trying to find your product, then give up and, perhaps, forget about you altogether.

In order to avoid this, magazines make sure every newsstand receives an oversupply of magazines. Since you don't know with very much accuracy how many magazines any newsstand's going to need in any given month, though, you have to send them all a lot of magazines.

When I was involved in the business, this meant that if you sold more than half of the magazines you printed, a significant number of newsstands were likely to be running dry. I don't know whether it's gotten any better since. I doubt it.

Now, if you tell someone "if we're selling more than 50% of our print run, it's practically certain that we're not selling as many as we could" then they're likely to look at you and say "duh". But if you go on to explain to them that this means you need to print 20% more magazines in order to raise your sales by 7%, they'll probably back away slowly and try to find an exit.

Yet this is how the magazine publishing industry works.

Magazines that don't get sold are, usually, pulped - though small publishers invariably end up with a garage full of back issues, because they can't bear to destroy all of the old mags and they May Still Come In Handy.

Most old magazines are, of course, actually worth close to nothing. If you don't sell 'em in the month they were printed, you might as well make pinatas out of them.

(Every single magazine you print, though, counts towards your "circulation" figures. Remember that whenever you hear some mag or newspaper boasting about their circulation of 500,000 or whatever; unless they've got tons of subscribers, it's likely that at least half of those mags or papers never make it into the hands of a reader.)

This is why publishers are so very very eager to sell subscriptions, and why subscriptions can, often, actually be a very good deal. If a publisher's factored a 60% pulping rate into the price of their magazine, then they're likely to be happy to deeply discount that price for subscribers in return for 12 (or whatever) guaranteed sales.

Subscribers also give a publisher some other ways of making money.

The income from a subscriber is front-loaded, you see. It arrives in a lump at the beginning of the subscription. But the outgoings are evenly spread over the period of the subscription, which is likely to be at least a year.

So if your publishing business is on the way up, a subscriber is a neat little tax dodge.

You get the income at the beginning and pay tax on it in that financial year, but the year after (when you're presumably making more money, and thus likely to be paying more tax per dollar of income) you can still book your subscribers as liabilities.

One of the staple tricks in "creative accounting" is shifting income and outgoings around so that, as far as the tax man's concerned, you're making money whenever it'll do the least harm and paying it out whenever it'll give the most benefit. Magazine subscriptions practically force a publisher to do that.

Subscribers are also great if your publishing business is on the way out. You still get the money at the outset - which, if you're teetering on the brink, is a very good thing. But then, if you decide to give up on the whole enterprise, you can just stiff your subscribers for however many issues remain outstanding. It's a vanishing liability.

Publishing houses that retire a magazine but have a stable of others normally give their subscribers the chance to roll their remaining subs over into some other magazine. Or they may even - gasp! - offer a REFUND.

But when a small publisher folds, they can just take the (remaining) money and run, secure in the knowledge that there's not likely to be a class action lawsuit from Disgruntled Subscribers To Very-Fluffy-Rabbit-Fancier Magazine Who Just Signed Up For A 48-Issue Sub, God Damn It.

And that, gentle reader, is exactly what the company I worked for did.

If we hadn't, I doubt I would have ended up being stiffed, myself, for a mere four digits worth of wages.