The other day, the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter took pictures of the Apollo landing sites. This gave various news organisations the chance to remind us all that if you ask the man in the street if he believes there was ever a man on the moon, there's a discouragingly decent chance that he'll tell you he doesn't.
The new pictures won't make any impact on the conspiracy theorists. You could bundle them into a flying saucer, fly them to the moon, and hover 10 feet above the footprints and Apollo descent stages, and they'd say you obviously must have come there in that same saucer half an hour ago and set all this stuff up. I mean, it's been 40 years and the footprints haven't even blown away yet! How dumb do you think we are, man!
Clearly, the only way we're going to stop hearing from these people is if we give them something to talk about which they find more exciting. Ideally, I'd like them to become convinced that this supposed "moon" doesn't actually existd at all, but I think that'd be a tough sell. If we guide them carefully, though, we may still be able to make the next We-Never-Actually-Did-X conspiracy theory much more entertaining than the unutterably depressing moon-hoax one.
How about this, then:
We never split the atom. The Manhattan Project was a fake.
Or it was real, but it was actually a collaborative research project between the US Government, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Howard Hughes and the reptilian cabal that really ruled both Britain and Nazi Germany. Under the cover of so-called "atomic" research, this covert "xenofascist" project developed the occult death-from-a-distance technology that was what really killed Kennedy, when he was planning to spill the beans on that disappearing destroyer.
This, naturally, means that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not hit by atomic bombs. It's possible that there was actually a huge conventional bombing program using giant pyramidal strategic bombers, flying from their bases just inside the South Phantom Pole, and given almost unlimited range and maneuverability by the use of a hybrid orgone/Vril fuel source, with antigravity lifters for propulsion. It's clearly more likely, however, that the Hiroshima and Nagasaki events were actually the result of an earth-penetrating electrical seismic concentrator, based on Nikola Tesla's well-known power-broadcast and earthquake machines.
Tesla refused to help the xenofascists combine his technologies, which is why they had him killed in 1943. If he had helped, the earthquake gun would presumably have avoided the embarrassing misfire on its first activation. That shot missed not only by 3,900 kilometres in distance, but also by some 37 years in time, and caused the Tunguska event.
(So Tesla and Tunguska are connected - just not in the way everybody thinks!)
Where was I? Oh, yes.
"Nuclear power" is actually produced by means of black magic, but it's hard to tell exactly which kind, on account of the Malicious Animal Magnetism that so horribly destroys anybody who looks inside one of the "reactor vessels". This explains why the original promises that nuclear power would make electricity too cheap to meter came to nothing; it turns out that the sheer quantities of alchemical ingredients, large animals, human blood and, of course, babies you need to keep the Old Things from escaping a "nuclear" power plant make such plants very expensive to run.
Oh, and "nuclear medicine" is also a hoax. The supposed "shielding" around "radioactive" items is just more camouflage for sacred geometries and resonant crystals.
And as for nuclear magnetic resonance imaging, which has the word "nuclear" in its name and so must have to do with radiation and atoms splitting and stuff, those supposed "superconducting magnets" do have liquid nitrogen in them, but it's just to stop anybody from using a hacksaw to discover what the device actually contains. Inside, there are actually carefully broken-in audiophile-grade power cables, wrapped in a helix to match human ethereal DNA, and all running from a single button cell covered with so many battery-boosting stickers that it could power a small town.
Right. All we need to do now is boil this down into a bumper sticker.
19 July 2009 at 5:31 pm
A good time to remember there is at least one thing that can have an impact on people like Bart Sibrel.
(and yes, xkcd #202 is in full swing in the comments!)
19 July 2009 at 6:00 pm
One good thing about fake moon landing theories -- they inspired Capricorn One, a pretty good movie. Unless it was the other way around.
19 July 2009 at 6:31 pm
"All your reality are belong to us"
19 July 2009 at 7:21 pm
Well, I'm guessing this particular thread is going to being some interesting people out of the woodwork...
.... or possibly out from under their aluminium foil hats.... Who knows, maybe both.
19 July 2009 at 9:32 pm
The first thing the conspiracy theorists will probably say is the first thing that popped into my head before I thought for about 2 seconds.
"Hey, the shadows are wrong! The lander shadow is the opposite direction from those hills near them!"
Then I realised they were of course craters not hills, so the shadows would be on the opposite side.
19 July 2009 at 9:39 pm
Also, Dan, I would like to note, the blogsome usernames being case sensitive is epically annoying.
19 July 2009 at 10:01 pm
Whatever way you look at it, it was an entertaining read!
Oh, and thanks for the link, reyalp - I hadn't seen that particular footage before.
19 July 2009 at 10:52 pm
Bumper sticker: NMR is people!
20 July 2009 at 12:22 am
Bart Sibrel thoroughly deserved that dose of astronaut to the face.
Props for suggesting temporal displacement on the earthquake gun. (Serious question) Is there much in the conspiracy (not sure of the correct word) community when it comes to time travel?
I don't suppose you've considered turning your
woo hatredinterest in this area into a book? You might as well earn some coin for what is arguably your true calling. Cripes, if the Hot Chicks with Douchebags guy can get a book and TV series I don't see why you should miss out. There's clearly a healthy market forscorncritical analysis for those that the Intelligent Designer chose to save materials on during construction.20 July 2009 at 2:39 am
so THIS is why you've been quiet of late...
God-damn.
20 July 2009 at 11:51 am
Take heart O Dan, the only people I know who are denyers also not worth the oxygen it takes to keep them alive. Thank you also for bringing the photos to my attention, no one here in Hawaii mentioned them on the news or anything.
20 July 2009 at 1:14 pm
> Have you ever SEEN an atom split?
No, but I've seen a banana split!
*BOOM TISH*
[Cue the Banana Splits theme song, "Tra la la, la la la la..."]
20 July 2009 at 4:14 pm
I fear that we are perilously close to falling foul of Poe's Law.
Poe's Law states that "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing"
For the sake of the children, let me say re the above article: ;-)
20 July 2009 at 7:47 pm
Did you just make all that up, Dan? Very nice!
What does that make CERN? The Earth equivalent of Moria? Did they dig too deep?
21 July 2009 at 12:29 am
What garbage. Honestly Dan, I expect better from you.
* The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter? Really. Sure. A Lunar Orbiter from 4+ centuries ago. I know they didn't have our technology back then, but you really think that'd take that long to take photos of the moon?
* New pictures just serve to enunciate flaws. That's right. It makes us talk about them with the proper inflections. An italic here, and underline there, the occasional string of exclamation points and these pictures are easily debunked.
* By refusing to accept that the moon does or doesn't existd, you yourself have proven that it might. This is irrefutable.
* Of course we never split the atom. It's not possible. The word derives from Latin which means "indivisible". So splitting an atom is impossible because an atom, by definition, can't be split. Ipso facto, quod erat demonstrandum. Therefore, The Manhattan Project was presumably an experiemental rock band pre-dating all the pioneers of modern rock, coming out of Manhattan. Or possibly they were all male and wore hats, and came from The Bronx.
* The next concept is such a mess I'm almost not going to spend the next 4 hours researching and cross-referencing it. I'll be back.
21 July 2009 at 1:58 am
It's quite obvious not only that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were hit by preliminary tests of occult weapon systems, but that the escalation in related technologies over the following decades awoke the Great Old Ones and wiped out our entire n+1-dimensional phase-space. What we now think we inhabit is actually just a deranged god's dream.
22 July 2009 at 10:02 pm
reading the comments on a youtube video related to spaceflight i found that, not only astronauts didn't go to the moon, spaceflight is a lie.
There aren't even any satellites or space stations.
according to this commentor the reason for this is that there is no way to propel anything in outer space as there isn't any air and we all know that rockets need air to push against otherwise they can't move.
Why NASA, and any other groups involved in spaceflight would want you to believe, and even go to great lengths to create false evidence, that spaceflight is possible is beyond me. But it must be happening cos the guy in the youtube comments said so!
i wish i could link the video for your comment reading pleasure but i have forgotten the name of the video :(
23 July 2009 at 4:47 am
Dan, you undid the whole carefully gathered kooky image by misspelling 'nucular'.
24 July 2009 at 10:16 pm
Ah, the anti-gravity saucer ships.
They're called 'Vimanas' and are described in ancient Indian texts, and were the major weapons in the ancient war about 25,000 years ago between the Alanteans and the proto-Indians. Fought with orgone guns (Wilheim Reich and Kate Bush were right!), the war resulted in the 'glassed' surface of the Deccan Traps today. Cambrian extinction event? Nope! Ancient crypto-nuclear war!
Of course, the Vimanas are still around for those who know how to find them - look in Gobi Desert, the Bahamas, Devil's Tower, Area 51, and our very own Black Mountain outside Cooktown. Glacial morraine? In the Tropics? Come on, every boulder is the same and has a musical note! It's hollow! The river inside it connects with Jenolan Caves and Lake George near Canberra, thorugh the Great Australian Artesian Sea! Jinmium; The 'Portugese' Ship; look 'em up, there's been an advanced civilization in Australia for a quarter of a million years! Ask John Glenn about the 'sparks' he saw flying in formation beside him while he flew over Australia...
You know in the 80's they dumped enough flourescent dye into the Jenolan River to stain Sydney harbour 200 times, and it has never been seen again? Where did it go? I don't know, but Frederick Valentich sure does know! Why not ask him?
As for anti-gravity - how do you think the F-117 flies - it's impossible for a shape like that to fly. Inside that angular fuselage is a Searle Disc - John Searle, Biefield-Brown - the same tech as the Vimanas.
Have a look at the SR71, in particular, when it was designed; 1956-57! Most of that plane is still classified, and the fuselage profile precisely fits what you need for Searle / Brown discs. Handy too, as they also provide the stealth effect.
Then we get to the biggest hoax of all - the Moon itself. Little known fact - prior to 1945 the only recorded sightings of craters on the Moon were Gallieo and Leonardo DaVinci! When the Americans "orbited"* space craft they had to make up the idea of 'MASCONS' to disguise the fact that the Moon is not only hollow, but the Farside is home to the highly advanced Atlantean civilization.
Speaking of old civilizations. One word: Oklo, Gabon. Yep, yep, yep, uh-huh! Nuclear reactors 450 million years old! Hello scientists! Are you listening? Sure cover it up saying it's natural - but really, like a nuclear reactor just made itself? Talk about a blind watch-maker, these are WAY more complex than watches!
( * check any physics text - the Van Allen belts are so radioactive they fry anything that passes through them. Try placing your iPod in a microwave to get some idea of what happens to spacecraft flying through them - your microwave is about a trillion times less powerful)
...
The best bit about all of this? Talking to conspiracy psycho-ceramologists (is that the right word?) about this stuff and watching their eyes light up, and their frantic nodding. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Sorry, I think I also channelled the yip-yips in there for a moment.
Most of my "research" comes from a brilliant book I got when I was about 12, called 'The Anti-Gravity Handbook'. Probably rare now, it's a wonderful sourcebook for this junk. As recommended by m'very good friend TrouserLord, it's "so full of shit it gurgles".
I think spreading disinformation like this is great; the more utter tripe you can get conspiracy nuts to spout, the better.
24 July 2009 at 10:39 pm
Actually, as my darling wife pointed out, the Blue Mountains are the location of a secret UFO base.
Given the author of this blog, I call CONSPIRACY!
1 August 2009 at 9:24 pm
I think "the moon doesn't exist" is aiming too low. I think we should work to inform everyone of the fact that the *ocean* doesn't exist.
Of all the lies society tells us, the idea that you can't drive from Ohio to Australia (or Switzerland, or wherever) because of some huge body of water that separates the continents is one of the most absurd. I mean, can you even imagine a lake that large? Come on!
Obviously, the notion of an ocean was invented, along with Christopher Columbus (and James Cook, and other so-called explorers), in order to prop up the airline industry. The historians and geologists are on the take from the same airline cabal that also runs the TSA.
They also conspire to keep gas prices high, so more people will fly instead of driving.
10 August 2009 at 4:35 am
"All we need to do now is boil this down into a bumper sticker."
Bat Chain Puller.
Apologies to the Captain.
13 August 2009 at 10:35 pm
I made you a bumper sticker.