"Sucking with both of those really didn't help..."

The brilliant Matthias Wandel, seeing how fast he can get his air engine to spin.

His wooden air engine.

(Just about everything Matthias makes, at least since the old stuff, is wooden. Wooden combination lock.
Wooden tank tracks. Wooden marble machines. Wooden Jenga pistol. Wooden pen centrifuge. Wooden pager rotator. Wooden gears. Wooden pipe organ. (Mostly) wooden bandsaw. Wooden binary logic. I don't think the Eyeballing Game and the gear template generator are made of wood, but I haven't examined his server. It could be all ropes and pulleys in there.)

I'm not certain that Matthias' video-based speed-estimation is completely sound. A proper tachometer would probably be a good idea.

There are, of course, a lot of ways to do that. Optical and magnetic sensors, point-and-shoot "non-contact" tachos made to do things like measure the rotational speed of machine tools and model-aeroplane propellers. And of course Lego, shop-bought or home-made (and with or without googly eyes).

Tachometry often involves multipliers or divisors of some sort; the above-linked Lego sensor tops out at only 500RPM, for instance, so you'd need to point it at something geared down from the thing you're actually measuring, to get a reading. And model-plane-prop tachos need to be told how many blades the prop has. For devices like this motor, which spins in the same range of speeds as computer fans, I wonder if you could use a computer fan to measure their speed?

Chop the blades off the rotor of a a standard three-wire computer fan, disable the motor coils (I think the speed sensor is a separate Hall-effect device), connect the de-bladed rotor to the thing whose rotational speed you want to measure, and then either use a frequency counter to measure the pulse rate on the yellow wire, or just plug the cable into a computer motherboard and run a fan-monitor utility.

Anybody tried it?

"...until they got caught by man-eating teddy bears..."

That box that just wants to be left alone was not the only excellent thing I just found by scanning the recent Lugnet news updates.

There was also a dog sculpture that's the opposite of Studs Not On Top, and an unassuming little church, and some forced-perspective Star Wars, to warm you up for...

"The Fastest and Funniest LEGO Star Wars story ever told", from "dzine123".

So many ways to be useless

Shannon's Ultimate Machine, aka the "Most Useless Machine", has become something of a fad.

So of course, people have made Lego versions.

I think this one, announced in this Lugnet post, is my favourite.

Yep - it's clockwork!

The clockwork motor it uses is either this one or this one. There's also this rather rare see-through one. You could probably also use one of the many pull-back motors.

(Bonus points go to anyone who makes a Useless Machine that's powered by the clock escapement from the #8888 Idea Book.)

Irresponsible Mayhem: The Saga Continues

This post from 2007 was about a highly entertaining YouTube clip of some people pulling arcs from a long string of nine-volt batteries. With those neat little clip connectors, 9V batteries are just begging to be clipped together into very long, very dangerous daisy-chains. And, in that particular case, they had 125 batteries in series, by my count. That adds up to a nominal 1125 volts DC.

(The 9V terminals are also, of course, clearly intended to make them easy to lick.)

But now, unfortunately, that video's been removed.

So I went hunting for more experiments of this type.

Here's a string of 19 (for 171 volts DC, nominal) running a compact fluorescent lamp:

The experimenter boldly holds the thin-insulation alligator-clip leads in his bare hands, but that's as exciting as this video gets. Interesting to see that these lamps run from DC as happily as from AC, though.

Here's some fun with 52 batteries:

That'd give 468V if the batteries were all at their nominal 9V, and could easily make it to 500V with fresh batteries. But apparently these were discarded "8.4... ish" cells of unknown provenance (my money would be on a company replacing the batteries in all of its smoke detectors). 52 times 8.4 gives a mere 437 volts, open-circuit.

(All of these voltages will plummet when you close the circuit, to start striking arcs, because the more current you ask for the further the terminal voltage will sag, and alkaline nine-volters aren't meant to deliver more than a very little current. Energizer, for instance, don't provide a maximum-current rating on the datasheet [PDF] for their standard alkaline nine-volters, but the maximum current on the load-versus-capacity graph is half an amp, at which discharge rate the capacity drops from a 25mA-load maximum of more than 600 milliamp-hours, to a little more than 300mAh. If you buy a Big Bag of Innocent Unsuspecting 9V Batteries the cheap way, by getting carbon-zinc "super heavy duty" batteries instead of alkalines, the rated current [PDF datasheet] is now only about 5mA, and the highest current on the performance graph is only 25 milliamps. You're not going to be able to pull a multi-amp arc out of a string of those poor little things for long. Ex-smoke-detector alkaline batteries will probably work a lot better for this sort of Unwise Experiment than will brand new carbon-zincs.)

Here we have 48 batteries in series - so, maybe more than 460 volts open circuit - molesting a coin:

(With, again, not as much attention paid to safety as might have been.)

Here, though, is what we've been looking for!

Four hundred and ninety 9V batteries, baby!

They're good for quite a lot of arcing before the chain's weaker links started breaking, too. I hope somebody was at least wearing a couple of pairs of sunglasses simultaneously.

490 times nine volts gives 4410V; fresh batteries would add up to more than 4700V. These are more ex-smoke-detector batteries, though; the video description says they only added up to "almost 4000V".

Even four thousand volts can't strike a very long arc by itself. The dielectric breakdown strength of dry air is about 33 kilovolts per centimetre (around 84 kilovots per inch). So four kilovolts, even with humid air helping it (and hindering electrostatic experiments...), can only strike an arc a few millimetres in length, at the very most.

Once you've struck a spark with the terminals close together, though, you can draw it out into a much longer arc, because the ionised air between the terminals - which may include vaporised matter from the terminals - is much more conductive than un-ionised air. That's how arc welding works (and Jacob's Ladders too, for that matter), and that's what's happening in the video clip.

If I ever do something like this, I think I'll leave the striking of arcs and burning of batteries for the grand finale, and do some low-current high-voltage stuff first.

Unrivalled consistency

Are you wondering, "Hey, in these belt-tightening times of international financial crises and slashed Internet advertising budgets, have those contextual-link-advertising companies that splattered so many stupid irrelevant ad-links over so much of the Web cleaned up their act, and started linking from stuff that actually has something to do with what they're advertising?"

Idiotic contextual-advertising link

Apparently not.

(From this page, about the Star Wars fan-film series that's just hit chapter two, a few years late.)

The company responsible promises "the most relevant contextual advertising links". I'm sure that's correct. They seem, at least, to be running equal first.

"...but some elves came and helped them, WHO WEREN'T EVEN IN THE BOOK..."

Martin Pearson's The Unfinished Spelling Errors of Bolkien is very funny, very clever, and very hard to find.

[UPDATE: Martin says it's OK to download it for free!]


(MP3)

It's a two-hour, two-CD, filk-infested one-man comedy show about of The Lord of the Rings - both the book and the film versions.


(MP3)

Even if you don't usually like those The Fiftieth Time Some Dude Put Stuff About Elves And Cthulhu To The Tune Of "Jailhouse Rock" sorts of songs, I assure you that you are going to have a very hard time not finding Bolkien funny. C'mon, the guy actually sings the Black Speech inscription on the One Ring to the tune of "King of the Road".


(MP3)

The total length of the double CD, not counting six minutes of out-takes at the end, is about 115 minutes. And there are a lot of songs in it, but there's a lot of talking too.


(MP3)

The Bolkien CDs were recorded with a live audience, which is of course essential for this sort of thing. There are also not many of those annoying comedy-record moments when everybody laughs, but you don't know why, because it's a visual joke and you don't have video.

(There are a few videos of Pearson on YouTube, by the way.)

There are also only a couple of jokes that you won't get if you're not Australian.


(MP3)

Honestly, half of the world's English-speaking nerds should have a copy of this.

But they don't, on account of how it's not very easy to buy it.

Bolkien is listed here and there on podunk online CD stores (Pearson also has his own Web site, which is currently somewhat unfinished). The only online store I could find that even claims to have Bolkien available for sale, though, is Ducks Crossing, where the double CD costs a handsome $AU40 plus $AU6 delivery in Australia, or $AU12 to the USA. They do at least accept credit cards and currency-convert the total price, though, so US customers will pay a total of a mere $US48.36, delivered, for the double CD.

Which is, of course, a bit on the bleeding steep side.

Apparently you're also meant to be able to buy the CD through 7th Dimension Music. But for months now there's been nothing in that site's shop, and the product page for Bolkien has, for lo these many months, been a database error. Some of his previous stuff used to be on this site, too, but now it's broken as well. It's all very depressing.

So I e-mailed Mr Pearson (pearsonmartinXX@XXhotmail.com, without the XXs) and informed him of the large number of people who would like to give him money, if only the CDs were available at a reasonable price. I also asked whether he'd considered opening the money-tap rather wider by letting people pay for downloadable MP3s.

Martin said that if people want to buy the CD, they can e-mail him. And maybe mail him a cheque, so he can put it on a wooden table and take a picture of it, et cetera.

It struck me that buying CDs by e-mailing the artist personally is not necessarily a completely optimal e-business paradigm. I suggested he try out a sell-your-files service like (to pick a random, presumably-honest example) PayLoadz, or of course CD Baby, who sell physical CDs, and can also put artists' MP3s up on iTunes and Amazon and so on. (This is CD Baby's "Artist Sign Up" section.) But he didn't go for it.

So allow me to postulate a hypothetical situation.

Suppose, hypothetically, that someone were to illegally download The Unfinished Spelling Errors of Bolkien, from one of those intarweb bit-waterfall things that the kids are so enthusiastic about. Beats me how you'd find it, but perhaps some cunning search string featuring Martin's name, or just the word "Bolkien", might do it.

If that someone decided they liked it, they could go on to send a few bucks to Mr Pearson via PayPal. (Once again, that's pearsonmartinXX@XXhotmail.com, without the XXs.)

Martin doesn't have a PayPal account either, but I think he may be persuaded to get one if a thousand bucks pile up waiting for him.

UPDATE: Martin Pearson his own bad self showed up in the comments below, and officially gave free BitTorrent distribution of Bolkien his blessing.

So here's the torrent, people! Remember to PayPal Martin, pearsonmartin@hotmail.com, a buck or three if you like it!

(Alternative torrent link. This is the magnet URI.)

Would you believe... superconductors?

A reader writes:

Can you do some research on this amazing device, which claims to be a superconductor. Is it for real? If so it is the most advanced scientific device on the market.

Company: KESECO
Device: ULTRA Current Improvement System
This claims not to be Power factor correction, rather it is a superconductor!

It has relevant patents and scientific explanations. I am having a hard time discrediting this, maybe it is for real
Check it out Dan:

www.Keseco.com
www.Enerwise.com.au

Andrew

Keseco do seem to be using some words having to do with superconductivity, don't they?

They go on to talk about "rotating electromagnetic waves" being converted to and from "far infrared", and the "crystal structure" of the wire. This is all far too advanced for little old me.

(I bet it does wonders for air and musicality, though.)

OK, yes, superconductivity would save power, if you replaced all of the transmission wires with superconductors (as is, very occasionally, actually done). But whatever Keseco say they're doing, that isn't it. Their gadget connects in parallel with your existing wiring.

(Even if you could magically turn all of the conductors in your home into superconductors, while simultaneously sprinkling everything with the pixie dust it'd need in order to still work with zero conductor resistance, you'd save only a tiny amount. Where electricity is lost as heat in the home, it's almost all meant to be lost as heat, either directly as in a toaster, or indirectly in the course of causing some motor, CPU or loudspeaker to work.)

Oh, and no superconductor yet discovered operates at a temperature above -138 degrees Celsius.

But I'm sure these minor quibbles are all thoroughly dealt with somewhere in Keseco's complicated explanations.

The Keseco devices may have an unusual theory of operation - whatever it is - but in appearance and installation they're pretty standard magic energy savers. You just connect the Keseco device in parallel with your existing wiring in the breaker box, and that's it. Whatever it does, it does it to any combination of devices inside the building, without necessarily even being in there itself, much less being electrically coupled or configured to them in any readily apparent way.

Never mind that, though; you can't argue with success. And Keseco's devices are very successful. Just ask them!

Don't ask anyone actually in the electrical-device-analysis business, though. As is usually the case with these sorts of devices, Keseco does not appear to be in any hurry to do any independent tests of their power-saving claims. Neither are these Enerwise people here in Australia, as far as I can see. The Enerwise site uses terms like "proven" and "the results are in!", but the actual evidence is just the usual wall of testimonials. (I eagerly await the publication of Enerwise's "Big Book Of Brag"! Surely that will be where we'll find the long-awaited independent controlled tests!)

Keseco-slash-Enerwise have, of course, apparently been on the news. And as we all know, they won't let you say something on TV unless it's true.

But wait - Keseco's "Certificate" section has an actual "Test Report"! It's reproduced so small as to be almost illegible, but I managed to decipher it!

It's a RoHS test, that certifies that the Keseco products pass poisonous-chemicals tests. Not that they work.

And then, also in the Certificate section, there's some more paperwork, but in Korean.

(This also seems to be par for the course in the miracle-energy-product world. If there are tests, they'll often be from labs in far-flung parts of the world where they don't speak English, even though they're being used to support claims made for products that're sold in English-speaking countries. Even energy-saver companies that are based in English-speaking countries sometimes, somehow, manage to do this.)

For the squinting-and-translating-Korean convenience of my readers, here are direct links to the largest images available from the Keseco "Test Report" page:

page 1
page 2
page 3
page 4
page 5
page 6
page 7
page 8
page 9
page 10
page 11
page 12

In among the Hangul there's what that looks like a statement that... something... used two-point-something per cent less power after... something else happened. But I'm not sure.

None of it seems in any way connected to Keseco's "guarantee" of a 5% power saving.

The "Performance Report" on keseco.com makes bolder claims, and is another entirely typical document for this sort of outfit. Bare numbers, no info on how the test was controlled, and further silence on the all-important question of whether the tester was on the Keseco payroll or not.

This sort of proof-by-assertion is standard for makers of energy savers, magical mileage-improving fuel additives, magnetic anti-arthritis bracelets, ultrasonic pest repellers, literally-magic "money magnets" and so on. There are hundreds - heck, probably thousands - of companies of this sort, big and professional enough to put together a sales package like Keseco's. But even when these companies manage to get large amounts of money from canny investors, they never, ever do the proper tests that would let them actually prove their claims and take the giant step up to their rightful place high up the Fortune 500 list. Instead, they sell (or attempt to sell) their products one at a time, direct to consumers whose own standards of evidence are satisfied by the testimonials presented.

(Often, there's a hybrid middle level between the company-that-should-do-some-proper-tests and the gullible consumers. That level is occupied by the gullible distributor, who liked the product so much he bought a franchise, but who has not yet realised that there's no good reason to suppose the product really does work.)

Keseco's PDF catalogue, and their "Products info" page, also cheerfully claim "Preventing Harmful Electromagnetic Waves" as a feature of their system. I suppose that means your microwave stops working, too. If mobile phones, by some freak chance, do turn out to be bad for you, I suppose your Keseco box will also suck up all of their emissions.

The site and catalogue also say the Keseco boxes "prevent" static electricity. Somehow. Somewhere. And then the catalogue has a picture of what looks like a molecular model of DNA, and then something about Fermi energy. I'd have been completely convinced if only they'd worked in Bose-Einstein condensates and particles with imaginary mass.

The Keseco catalogue also has a number of examples of another standard marker for this sort of business, Irrelevant Certifications Offered As If They Have Something To Do With Whether The Product Works.

There's a Korean patent! A registered design! A trademark! A corporate insurance policy of some sort! Alleged CMA, CE, ANCE, ISO 9001 and RoHS conformance! None of which means the product bloody works!

(Just to make this clear one more time, because it comes up so very, very, VERY often: The Patent Offices in various countries make no attempt whatsoever to determine whether an idea presented for patenting is actually good for anything at all. You don't even have to provide a working model. There's usually some basic screening to keep out blatant perpetual-motion devices {possibly with a caveat that you can patent such a device, but only if you do bring a working model!}, but that's all. All the patent office cares about is whether the idea is sufficiently different from other things that already exist to be worthy of a patent - and most patent offices are so overworked these days that they don't even do this very well. So despite what thousands of crackpots and swindlers have claimed over lo, these many, many years, there is no connection whatsoever between patentability and functionality.)

I remind you, gentle reader, that all of the wonderful effects Keseco products are supposed to cause are, somehow, created by a box that you just stick in or near the building's breaker box, and wire in parallel with the building's circuits. Whatever those circuits are, and whatever business you're in. It would be entirely churlish to suggest that this is analogous to making a "water saver" that hangs off a T-fitting next to your water meter, thereby impeding or encouraging the water's flow in no way at all. So I won't do that.

I suggest, Andrew, that you just put up with your present electricity bill for another year. By then, either Keseco will be a household name, one of the most profitable corporations in the world, with Nobel Prizes in the pipeline for their engineers... or they'll still be grubbing around with all the other retail sellers of worthless "power saving" talismans.

But oh, dear - the proudly-displayed accreditations in Keseco's catalogue go all the way back to 2004! The site itself has been around since 2002!

(It used to have an awesome flash intro.)

And yet still, no Keseco boxes in every electrical substation. No Keseco boxes the size of Winnebagos hanging off the side of every aluminium smelter. No Nobel Prizes.

I just can't work it out.

(UPDATE: More on the Keseco box.)

Look upon my Lego gearbox, ye mighty, and despair!

OK, so you've got your Lego automatic transmissions, and they're pretty awesome. And there are a number of Lego continuously-variable transmissions, some of elegantly simple design, and those are impressive too.

And then somebody comes along and makes a seven-speed-plus-reverse sequential Lego gearbox, and puts it in a fully remote-controlled Lego Veyron.

With, of course, working steering, engine pistons, disc brakes...

Oh, and it's the targa-top version of the Veyron too, just to pack another darn mechanism in there.

Like someone whose unsettling dreams about becoming the world's greatest badass have been dissipated by an encounter with Raven, all of the rest of us are now under no pressure at all for high achievement in Lego engineering.

(The gearbox is only an expanded and improved version of the 8448 gearbox, mind you, so clearly this is not really that much of a big deal. Also, I think you'll find that Mount Rushmore isn't actually a very large mountain.)